Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan points out that only grades should not be evaluated in the report card.
Children studying in primary and secondary schools receiving distance education under pandemic conditions have started a three-week interim vacation. Pointing out the importance of report card psychology, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan points out that only grades should not be evaluated in the report card. Stating that it is necessary to focus on the strengths of the child while evaluating the report card, Tarhan pointed out the importance of building bridges with the child instead of building walls. Tarhan said, "We should never forget that life success is the sum of academic success and moral success. Even the report card should be handled by preserving the most important family values of compassion and kindness. The language that young people currently understand is persuasion and persuasion. It is appreciation and praise. And that should be on the positive aspects. Their behavior and efforts should be praised, not their personality." Emphasizing that the effects of the pandemic process on children's mental health must be taken into account, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized the importance of providing a peaceful home environment for the child.
Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan gave advice on the psychology of report cards and how to spend the three-week interim holiday.
Pandemic risk still persists
Stating that this year's semester break was spent under pandemic conditions, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that this process is expected to continue for a while and said the following:
"We all have a perception when it comes to vacation. There is a perception of going somewhere, having fun, living according to our minds. Especially children are the same way. Since the conditions have changed due to the pandemic and the danger has not yet passed, we are currently at the numbers in June last year. In such a situation, if we make the same mistakes as last summer without vaccinating at least 50% of the society, we will experience the third and fourth peaks again. The seriousness of the issue remains the same. 340 health workers died in 10 months. Even in the fight against terrorism, there are not so many soldiers and police officers. Therefore, we need to know that the seriousness of the work is very important. Most probably this process will take a long time. Let's know this, an expectation that schools will open on February 15th and everything will return to normal would be misleading. It would be wrong to create such an expectation, to create high expectations and people will start making mistakes. We repeat last summer. In order not to repeat the same mistake, we need to move forward with realistic expectations. The current realistic expectations and scientific data show that the danger has decreased. We are getting better, the decline has started. There is no room for despair and indecision, but we need to tolerate and endure a little more."
Academic success is compensated
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that families are most concerned about their children's education during this period and said, "What our families ask us is: How will our children make up for this period? Families should not think about academic success at all. Fair solutions can be produced by reducing the effect of this year's course grade on the exam for those who will take the exam this year in our education system. Because there is not equal access to the internet here. Private schools are more advantageous. In that respect, it is more problematic. In such cases, measures such as keeping the point load of our education system lower in the exam are definitely taken. Adjustments are made in our measurement and evaluation system. In that respect, they should not worry about education."
Children's mental health is more important
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that families should be worried about the mental health of their children and said, "But they can be worried about this; in terms of the mental health of the children. Our children were very affected in such a situation. This applies to children of all ages. It is especially important to think separately for the 0-12 age group. It is important to think separately for the 12-19 age group, that is, for adolescence. In the 0-12 age group, children look at their parents. They observe them. If the father is not panicked, if he is comfortable, if there is a peaceful environment at home, it is not important for those children to be on the street or here and there. It doesn't matter whether the online class is going on or not. The child is very happy at home, and sometimes we can even come across children who say 'Mom and Dad, you go out, we are fine' because mom and dad are too much at home and interfere and interfere. Therefore, children have a very serious adaptation ability in these age groups. They adapt quickly. Let's focus on creating a peaceful climate at home. The home will become a warm and pleasant space."
Our family insurance system protects our family
Stating that communication within the family is important during this period, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Positive communication should come to the fore in the family instead of negative communication. Everyone should not try to correct each other, there is no need for ego wars. It is important that everyone tries to complement each other and strengthen the positive sides. Our culture is already a culture that promotes complementarity in the family, not competitiveness. This is a great opportunity. There are serious divorce and suicide outbreaks in the world after the pandemic. This did not happen in our country. Our family insurance system ensured this. Despite the shocks, it is still not falling apart, it continues. But there are also risks. Let's strengthen these family values we have and keep them going. We will turn this crisis into a gain."
It is important to teach how to use the computer wisely instead of taking it away
Drawing attention to the conscious use of technology in children, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Children over the age of 12 are entering adolescence. Especially 80% of them have computers in their hands. In this case, instead of taking computers away from children, it is important to teach them how to use computers wisely, that is, to make them media literate. Instead of going into their areas of interest with them and giving them advice and lectures, if they are doing something wrong, the method of talking about the wrong should be used. In other words, instead of taking the young person or child against us, it is important to take them with us and talk to them together."
A bridge should be built between children and parents
Noting that families should have a constructive approach to the evaluation of the report card, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said:
"Children received their report cards. What is the classical parental attitude? They look at the report card. He does not see the good grades. He immediately criticizes the weak grades. 'What you eat is in front of you and what you don't eat is behind you. What's wrong with your report card?' The moment we say this, the child starts to build a wall between his/her parents. However, as parents, we need to build a bridge between us and the child. The mother-child relationship, the father-child relationship is more important than the report card. It is necessary to solve this issue without spoiling it. In such cases, smart mothers and fathers say 'How can I improve my child's class situation? 7-8 classes are good but 2-3 are bad, how can we fix it?' When the child is asked for his/her opinion, it makes him/her feel valuable. By talking in this way, we need to ensure that the child learns something."
Behavior and efforts should be praised
Stating that trying to adjust the child, so to speak, with pressure, threats and intimidation methods is not the method of this age, Tarhan said, "This is not the language that children and young people of this time will understand. Parents should not forget this. The language that young people understand now is persuasion and persuasion. It is methods of appreciation and praise. It should be based on their positive aspects. By saying words he does not deserve, his behavior and efforts should be praised, not his personality. If his/her personality is praised, the child's ego inflates. At home, responsibility can be given for some shopping. In such cases, especially young people should learn the balance between freedom and responsibility."
Report card is not a measure of worthiness
Pointing out that there is a compulsory situation of spending time together in the pandemic, Tarhan continued his words as follows: "Spending time together is an opportunity for young people. From the age of 12-13, young people start to love their parents from a distance. Our biological nature and genetic codes require this. The child wants to be liberated and individualized. When raising our children with a focus on success, should it be academic, life or moral success? We need to think about all these at the same time. This is very closely related to children modeling their parents. When parents talk about the report card, the psychology of the report card should be considered. The report card should not be presented as a measure of worthiness. We should not act as if the report card shows whether the child is valuable or not, whether the child is successful or not. The report card is just one of the steps on the road to success."
We should teach children to be hardworking and human values
Stating that abstract goals come last in human life success, Tarhan said, "Being beneficial to society and humanity, being able to do something in accordance with creation and existence is related to the philosophy of life. The most important thing that the pandemic period will bring us is to be able to talk about existential issues in the philosophy of life with children again. Right now, popular culture is teaching us pleasure, speed, the pursuit of pleasure and hedonism. This has become a global epidemic. If we don't protect our children from this, we will lose this generation. In order for this generation not to be a lost generation, we should definitely teach them to be hardworking and to have human values. There is an opportunity to spend time together during this period."
Report card should be considered as an opportunity
Stating that this age is called the "Distrust Age", that is, the 21st century is called the age of distrust, Tarhan said, "Our culture, belief system and value system attach great importance to trust. This is the greatest quality of the Prophet. Before his prophethood, he was the quality of trustworthiness, we need to revitalize our quality of trustworthiness. This is trust. Therefore, let's create these in the family. Let's give importance to these and for example, how is the report card an opportunity here? With the psychological effect of the report card, the child starts to lie because he thinks his parents will get angry. If the family receives the report card, they should evaluate it by saying, "Look, my child, you have studied, you have done this much, you have not done this much". In such cases, it is important to go with the accept and manage method, accept and walk together method. If this is done, the child will say, 'My parents love me, but they want to cooperate with me to correct my mistakes,' and the child's belonging will increase. Self-confidence will not be damaged. Therefore, we are not in the era of managing our children by scolding and scaring them. The children of this time are also conscious. Therefore, we cannot manage our children by scaring them in any way."
Motherhood and fatherhood practices should be changed
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan finally gave the following advice: "Here, mothers and fathers will change their motherhood and fatherhood practices. The scenarios they learned from their parents are not valid today. Because the actors have changed, there are new actors. We need to change our motherhood and fatherhood scenarios accordingly. We establish good cooperation with our children and turn our children and the close relationship given by the pandemic period into an opportunity." We should never forget that life success is the sum of academic success and moral success."
