Children received their report cards, leaving behind an intense semester. Reminding that the report card is a feedback about the child's educational status in a period, psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan says, "Learning to analyze the report card is actually a small beginning of analyzing difficult things in life." Warning parents not to make comparisons, Tarhan points out that making comparisons reveals shame, guilt and feelings of deficiency in the child.
Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan made evaluations regarding the report card and semester holiday period.
The meaning of the report card should be well understood
Stating that the child learns the relationship with the report card as a form of his/her relationship with life, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "If we can correctly understand the value and meaning of the report card in the child's mental world, the child can gain skills that will shape his/her relationship with life in the future. The most important issue in the report card is that both the educator, the mother, the father and the child know what the report card is and what it means. The meaning of the report card is actually the feedback of the child's education for one semester. This is important for both parents and guardians, as well as for teachers and the school administration. It is necessary to evaluate the report card in this way. When different meanings are attributed to the report card, the child may lack self-confidence or feel withdrawn, have a sense of shame or learn to always blame others. Learning to analyze the report card is actually a small beginning of analyzing difficult things in life."
It is necessary not to attribute more meaning to the report card than its value
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that one should be balanced when evaluating the report card, and that the report card should not be underestimated or exaggerated. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "One should not exaggerate the report card, as if it is an indicator of whether the child is a good person or not, or a measure of value. When it is overloaded with too much meaning, the child may react such as hiding the report card or tampering with it if his/her grades are low. In the background of this, there is usually a lack of dialog between the parents and the child. For this reason, it is necessary to give the child the feeling that he/she is important and valuable, not the report card."
Noting that the report card should be evaluated as a tool to determine whether the child has a sense of responsibility or not, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "When the report card comes, it is necessary to evaluate the child in two ways; the child with a sense of responsibility and the child without a sense of responsibility. If the child has a sense of responsibility, that is, if he/she has studied but his/her grades are not good, that child should be approached differently. If the child has not studied and has bad grades, this child should be approached differently. For example, as soon as a child with a bad report card is told that he/she is important because he/she has not studied at all, this child will not learn to aspire to difficulties in life, to struggle against difficulties and to learn life skills. If the child is irresponsible and has not worked, this should be shared with the child. The child should be told that his/her grades are poor because he/she did not study, that he/she should study more in the second semester, that he/she should make better use of his/her time, that he/she should take more responsibility in some matters. While saying these things, parents should be able to guide the child without crushing the child's personality."
Deficiencies should be discussed starting with good grades
Stating that the report card period is an opportunity to talk about the rights and wrongs of the child and to make an evaluation, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said:
"When evaluating the report card of a child who has three good grades and seven weak grades out of 10 subjects on his/her report card, it is necessary to start with the good ones and say, 'Look how well you did in these, why weren't you successful in the others? Let's talk about it'. The child will often argue that the teacher doesn't like him/her, and will then go on the defensive in a way that blames someone else. Here, the child should not be rebuked. In such cases, the child can be told, 'Well, be self-critical and think if you are lacking here'. The report card period is an opportunity for parents to talk to the child about what is wrong and what is right. Here, the reasons why the wrong is wrong are analyzed. In such cases, the child will either say that they don't like the class or that they can't study. Then parents should say 'I don't like some things in life either, but I have to work. It is hard for me to go to work every day, but I have to go to work'."
The child's success and effort should be praised
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said that children who receive certificates of appreciation and thanks should also be appreciated by saying, "Look, you worked and got the result. I congratulate you" should be appreciated. Tarhan emphasized that the praise of success here should be praised not the personality of the child, but the behavior and efforts of the child. Tarhan said, "If we praise the child's personality, it causes a narcissistic feeding in the child as 'I am perfect'. The point to be sensitive here is to help the child identify his/her strong and weak points and to help him/her set a goal and a path."
Making comparisons creates feelings of shame, guilt and deficiency
Noting that one of the most common faulty attitudes is comparison, Tarhan said, "When a child is compared to someone else, he learns shame, guilt and a sense of deficiency. In such cases, the child feels jealous because he feels bad and learns to blame the other party. In such situations, they learn jealousy and a non-peaceful competition. However, this is an opportunity to teach the child how to compete peacefully. Here, it is necessary to teach the child to set a goal for himself/herself in the future and to move forward."
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan also reminded that the child should not be taught to lie about the report card and said, "When talking to the child, 'You are important to us. This report card does not show whether you are a good person or not, whether you are valuable or not, but it shows what you have done this semester, how much you have performed. We draw a conclusion from this, that is, we kiss your forehead for your successes, but if there are mistakes and shortcomings, we identify them. We will make up for them," he said.
