Children in Turkey and around the world are growing up with an understanding that does not question their mistakes and always blames the other side for wrongdoings. This leads to self-centered children. Reminding that parents pay the price, experts warn. They say that it is up to Allah to give without taking and add. "Let children experience guilt." Üsküdar University Faculty Member Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz pointed out that children who do not accept their mistakes and are not aware of their mistakes are raised.
Prof. Dr. Dilbaz stated that from the moment the baby is born, the primitive self comes into play and that the baby, who acts with the principle of pleasure in the first periods, wants everyone at his command. Emphasizing that the ego, which develops after a while with the realization of the environment, forms the higher self or conscience, Dilbaz noted that the child thus perceives what society considers right and wrong. For this reason, she added that parents should show them what is right and wrong when raising children. Pointing out that the attitude of the parents is important in development, Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz reminded that inconsistent attitudes negatively affect development. Dilbaz
THE CHILD SHOULD BE GIVEN A SENSE OF REMORSE
"The attitude of the parent is very important here. In the face of a mistake, a mistake, the parent should react the same way every time. They should not react to the same mistake or wrongdoing differently today and differently tomorrow. The attitude should be consistent, otherwise the child cannot learn what is right and wrong. The child should experience the feeling of guilt. We should give the feeling of regret. Telling the child that he/she has done wrong or made a mistake does not harm him/her. If mistakes are not told, the child says what I do is always right and grows self-centered."
WE ARE APOLOGETIC!
"As a society, unfortunately, we are a society that does not know how to apologize. We are apologetic. When we realize the wrong we have done, we should tell the person that our behavior is wrong by realizing that we have upset and offended the other person. We should know how to apologize. However, "My child is very smart, my child does not make mistakes...etc." approaches of parents affect development negatively." Dilbaz said the following about the mistakes parents make.
IT IS RESERVED FOR GOD TO GIVE WITHOUT RETURN
Human behavior is like a mirror. How we treat the other person responds with the same reaction. Being a parent requires giving, and it is up to Allah to give for free. When giving, it is necessary to look at whether it deserves it or not. We should be able to confront what we deserve with a plus if it is a plus and a minus if it is a minus so that we can see what is right and wrong. We should not cover up the negative things.
THOSE WHO SAY MY CHILD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES PAY THE PRICE THEMSELVES
"It is important not to start by unconditionally saying that my child is right. In case of negative events in the future, he/she will think that this belongs to me, that the other person made the mistake, not me. He/she will never look for the blame in himself/herself. Therefore, parents, as adults, pay the biggest price for this. This perception leads to personality disorders in the future. Children should learn to apologize for wrongdoing. Studies conducted in the last 20 years show that there are similar problems all over the world. Not calculating their own share of negativity and always holding the other party responsible for negativity disrupts human relations. These children are not born like this. We raise innocent children as monsters when we say we will do them for good. We are given a dough. Only 10 percent of it is genetic. The rest is shaped by the environment and family. It is necessary to knead that dough well. The virtue of being a good person is to think about others as well as oneself. It is necessary to raise children who do not always say "I am me", who can say "we" from time to time as much as they say "I", and who calculate what the other side thinks.
