Report cards are eagerly awaited by many families every year. Many children with poor report cards are afraid to communicate with their parents, fearing the reaction they will receive from their families. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that when evaluating the report card, which is the result of a certain period, the behavior of the child should be interpreted, not the personality of the child, and warned parents "Do not see your child as equal to the report card".
Üsküdar University Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan made important warnings about how report cards should be evaluated by families.
"Generally, the attitude of parents about the report card is about how the child went to school during the year. In cases where the only day that the parents, who do not have much knowledge or interest, are only interested in is the report card day, it creates a serious trauma effect on the child," said Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan,
"It can be very wrong for a parent who has not thought about what the lessons will be to read the report card. For example, when they take the report card in their hands and say, 'You passed this much, you failed this many classes, or you failed this many classes, why did you fail these classes so much? We have raised you so much, we have given you so much effort', the child cannot learn anything in such situations: What is the purpose of this report card? The report card is the result of the positive and negative aspects of the work that the young person has done for a semester or a year, and it is the result of this result. Normally, the parents should make a joint effort with the young person about what happened to reach this result."
"A report card is not a measure of whether the child is valuable or not"
"There is the approach of indifferent parents and there is the approach of healthy parents. The most common mistake made here is to read the report card as if it is not a good report card, but a certificate of whether the child is a good person or not, whether the child is loved or not." Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan continued his words as follows
"A child's report card is only the result of the lessons the child has studied for a year. It is not the measure of whether he/she is a good person or not, whether he/she is valuable or not. This needs to be known. A child who is interested can already predict 90 percent of what his/her report card will be. The most common thing to do when the report card is poor is that the child does not come home, hides it, goes to someone else and their relationships deteriorate. It is necessary to praise the child's behavior, not his/her personality. It is necessary to criticize their behavior and efforts, not their personality. If we can read the report card by seeing personality separately and behavior separately, the child will learn something from the weak report card and think about what to do here.
Do not compare with others!
Comparing the child with someone else makes the child feel that he/she is deficient in himself/herself, and the self-confidence of the person who feels deficient is damaged. However, a person should set a goal for himself and compete with it, not with someone else. There is a sense of competition in human beings, a sense of competition is a natural feeling that raises people; but comparing not with someone else, but with a goal that he will set for himself, competing against time and nature are things that develop the person. Setting a goal for oneself and competing. If the child compares himself/herself, he/she learns a lesson; but when parents make comparisons, it triggers a feeling of jealousy. The child becomes jealous of his/her sibling, then disrupts his/her sibling's play, the child starts to see his/her sibling as an enemy, in other words, when parents do this, they create discord between them.
The answer to the question "What did this report card teach us?" should be sought
The important thing is to ensure that the child is both successful and happy in life. Success in life is not only academic success, but the combination of these two successes. From this point of view, parents should approach the child by saying 'What has this report card taught us? Instead of blindly defending him/her or pretending that nothing has happened, if they say 'What has this report card taught us, what can we do according to the results of this report card, what deficiencies do we have, how can we fix it', then the child will develop respect in such situations and approaches to take precautions for the future. Otherwise, fear is created in the child and the child does not learn anything with fear, but only learns to be afraid."
Make a work plan with your child
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Exam dates are more or less certain. A plan should be made until then."
"Let's say there is a 15-day period, within this 15-day period there should be an agreement with the child about free time and study time. Children who leave studying to the last day and generally do not succeed, think that they will pass the class immediately by leaving it to the last few days and fail. Here, teaching planned studying is the skill that parents will give to the child; life skill is planned studying," he said.
Show your joy when you get good grades
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that parents should show their joy when the child gets good results and concluded his words as follows
"In such cases, some parents do not show their joy, and this time the child says 'I can't please my parents no matter what I do'. For example, the child gets 97, the parents say 'Why didn't you get 100', in such cases the child says 'I can't please my parents anyway' and stops studying.
Talk to your child in an understanding way
The expression of emotion is very important. If the child is indifferent to the report card, this is also a reaction. If the child is indifferent when he/she does poorly, the parents get more angry. In such cases, it is necessary to talk to the child about this feeling. 'Look, my child, you got a poor grade, but what upsets me more than that is that you don't feel any guilt or regret because you got a poor grade' and these issues should be discussed. By talking about these issues, the child learns how to react in life. In such crisis situations, it is necessary to keep the family together and keep a good relationship with the child. This is where parenting comes in. For the child, it leads to learning about life in such a crisis; teachers are also very effective here. For example, teachers sometimes write grades on children's report cards, sometimes it even becomes a subject of humor, for example, 'Galatasaray became champion but you were relegated'. Teachers write things like 'I learned patience thanks to you', which is actually a good thing for the child. Humorous things like this send a message to students: 'I love you but I don't approve of what you did'. Humor can also be used here. A report card is a day when parents and teachers share an event together. Lessons should be learned from it within the family and the warm relationship should be developed further."
