Today, women play important roles both at home and at work, and this brings with it enormous responsibilities. Due to their roles in life, women may experience problems such as "not being able to reach anywhere and not being enough for anything". Pointing out that the "super mom" model on social media pushes women into feelings of guilt, Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Barış Önen Ünsalver said, "All mothers make mistakes in childcare. All mothers have terrible days. No mother is happy to be a mother all the time. But social media causes such a misperception in people."
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Every year, March 8 is celebrated as International Women's Day.
Psychiatry Specialist Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Barış Önen Ünsalver from Üsküdar University NP Feneryolu Medical Center made important evaluations about the effect of the increasing perception of perfection on women today.
"A woman who is a mother cannot have the same conditions as another employee"
"Unfortunately, the age we live in places a lot of burden on women," said Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Barış Önen Ünsalver,
"There was a song called 'I can have children or a career'. This song is both true and false. Because when a woman is a mother and a career woman, she can progress in both areas with help. However, assistance systems are often inadequate. For example, workplaces ignore the situation of mothers and expect them to work the same hours and perform at the same level as other employees. In this case, either motherhood suffers or work performance suffers. However, a woman who is a mother cannot have the same conditions as other employees."
Don't be misled by the "super moms" on social media!
Psychiatry Specialist Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Barış Önen Ünsalver from Üsküdar University NP Feneryolu Medical Center said, "On the other hand, 'super moms' open pages on Instagram and Twitter and constantly publish how they do everything perfectly and how they enjoy every moment of it."
"All moms make mistakes in childcare. All mothers have terrible days. No mother is happy to be a mother all the time. But social media causes such a misperception in people. Women are drowning in feelings of guilt while trying to be that 'super mom'. Not only career and motherhood are emphasized, but also things like having an ideal body size and being well-groomed. Women run around as if they will be left out of society if they don't fit into those pictures, and they end up becoming exhausted.
The idea of perfection leads to inadequacy
Since perfection does not exist in the world we live in, that is, it is something unreal, the person has a constant thought of inadequacy. The person experiences constant performance anxiety. He sets strict rules against himself and punishes himself. He sets the same rules for others and punishes them. As a result, he cannot be satisfied with himself or others and lives a restless life. Imagine that you are climbing a staircase and you are told that you will drink water at the end of 12 steps, but when you get to 12, they say that the water is on the 13th step, and when you get to 13, it is 14, and so you are going up and up, just when you think you are going to quench your thirst, but you can't drink water. But there on the 14th floor someone says, 'Come here and I'll give you two glasses of water, but you have to go down from here or you have to go up without knowing on which floor you will drink water'. This is what the perfectionist's problem looks like.
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Love yourself as you are
It can be helpful for perfectionists to be interested in the diversity in life, to compare themselves not only with those above them but also with those below them, to look at the consequences of not being perfect, to accept and love themselves as they are, to sometimes deliberately gravitate towards the imperfect, and even to try to see that the real beauty is in the imperfections. If this balance is not achieved, anxiety disorders, depression, fibromyalgia, burnout syndrome, alcohol and substance abuse problems can occur.
"A woman must realize that she cannot afford everything"
"In achieving this balance, women should see their own resources and set their expectations realistically. She should look at her priorities," said Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Barış Önen Ünsalver, Psychiatry Specialist from Üsküdar University NP Feneryolu Medical Center:
"For example, if being with her child is a priority, she should risk a delay in her career. Or if being like a helicopter around her child sometimes harms the child, she should turn to other areas of her life. A woman should know that she cannot afford everything. She should not sacrifice her own needs. Excessive sacrifice will ultimately lead to her unhappiness. A woman's fulfillment of her needs for shelter, love, sexuality, friendship, rest and entertainment forms the basis of her love and respect for herself. Mental and physical illnesses will arise in women who cannot meet or demand these needs. The woman should remember that she does not have to make everyone happy, that she does not have to feed everyone, that those around her should sacrifice as much as she sacrifices herself, and that she should not see herself as inadequate or unsuccessful because she seeks help from others."
