Stating that the sense of self is the inner core of the human being and that it is called the reference center, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "We are born with a reference center: me and others. It is then gradually shaped within the family. If the person shapes it correctly, a correct identity and personality emerges over the years. If it is shaped incorrectly, a wrong identity and personality emerges. For this reason, investing in our self is the biggest investment a person can make in life."
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that it is the duty of parents to teach the child self-perception and said, "Teaching the child the correct self-perception is one of the most important duties of parents. It is important to give the message 'You are a separate person, a separate individual'."
Üsküdar University Founding Rector Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan made evaluations on self and self-perception, one of the important fields of study in psychology.
Stating that the foundation of self-perception is laid in childhood, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said:
"Self is one of the most important fields of study in psychology. It is referred to as self-perception and self-design. In these studies, it is necessary to place the concept of self in place in order to understand the psychological reality of human beings. The studies that give us the most insight here are child studies. Studies related to observing children. Children do not have a sense of self. There is mom and me. When the mother is absent, the child can go into a terrible crisis. There is a mother deprivation syndrome. It can be seen mostly around the age of 1, sometimes at the age of 2. If the mother leaves the child for a long time, the child may have maternal deprivation syndrome. This is infant depression. In such a situation, the child cries all the time. He stops crying when someone approaches him, when there is movement. When he sees that his mother is not there, he starts crying again. Some older people even know this, they give their mother's clothes etc. to the child who cries when she is not there. So that the child can smell his mother's scent and stop crying. The child sees his mother and himself as adjacent. This is the state of self-perception at the child level. We all go through this period."
A quality and secure relationship with the mother is important...
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the mother means everything in infancy and childhood and said, "In the first 3 years, there is no substitute for the mother. The mother or someone who replaces the mother. What is important is to have a quality, safe, consistent and continuous relationship with someone. This situation does not exist in other living things. For example, a duck. As soon as it is born, it starts walking, it immediately enters the water. There are even eels that live in the Gulf of Mexico. They go to continental Europe, are born there, live there, come back to the Gulf of Mexico and die there. Mother and child never see each other. They have no mother-child relationship," he said.
A person with a good sense of self can make self-criticism
Stating that human beings are born psychologically premature and develop over time, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that a person with a good sense of self can criticize himself and said the following:
"Human beings are born prematurely. Animals mature in the womb and are thrown into life as soon as they are born. But humans are born needing the help of others for 10-15 years. This is what makes a person a social self. Self-perception is the ability to ask the question 'Who am I? In scientific terminology, it is called self-design, self concept. There is the ideal self and the real self. There is also the self that the person designs and perceives. Depending on how the person perceives the self they perceive, the person's self-perception or self-design can be called healthy or unhealthy. If a person perceives his/her own self as it is, if he/she can confront his/her own mistakes with his/her own realities, his/her own strengths and weaknesses, if he/she can critique, analyze, question and decide accordingly instead of immediately opposing when there is criticism, we can say that his/her self-perception and self-esteem are in place. In other words, we can say that self-perception is in line with the real self."
It is important to know where you are for the goal
Stating that there was a concept called wakkaf in the Ottoman Empire, Tarhan said, "That is to stop and accept a truth again. It is even one of the attributes of Hz. Ömer. He has made a decision, he is going to punish someone, a news comes that it is not like that. He can change his mind immediately. He doesn't say I made a decision once. To ensure justice. This is the biggest reason why Hz. Umar was a leader in justice. His impulse to seek the truth and his independence and impartiality towards himself. The fact that he can be independent against his own impulses, wishes and desires shows that human beings have a high sense of self. He can face himself as well as face the truth. This is like this; imagine a map, you have a destination on the map, you are going somewhere. But if you don't know where you are, you cannot go."
Knowing strengths and weaknesses builds self-esteem
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that if a person knows himself/herself, he/she can draw a path towards his/her psychological goals and said, "In order to draw a road map, he/she needs to know where he/she is. Self-perception is also important on the path of life. There is a saying in Anatolia; "He who does not eat someone else's fist thinks his own fist is batman." It is one of the sayings in our culture that describes self-perception very well. Knowing one's strengths and weaknesses creates self-esteem."
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that just like genes, personality has some foundations and it is not possible to change and said, "Human beings are free, but we are as free as our genes limit us. For example, we cannot change our eyes from brown to blue. Personality is the same. Our basic personality is 30-40%. 60-70% is acquired later. There are 12 personality types. Some are introverts, some are extroverts, some are meticulous, some are very social. These are also defined as intrinsic intelligence and social intelligence. It is a bit related to our genetic heritage. One of the most important signs of not knowing oneself is that people show themselves stronger than they are. A person who knows himself sees his real self when he looks in the mirror."
Noting that some people are afraid of the mirror, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "More precisely, they are afraid of psychological confrontation. Such people do not know the difference between their ideal moles and their real moles. They have an ideal me. In their minds, they think that I should be like this, I should behave like this, and they think that is the reality."
The person close to the ideal self is also at peace with himself/herself...
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the closer a person's ideal me is to him/herself, the more at peace he/she is with himself/herself and said, "This person does not stay in his/her comfort zone in life. They are open to the general, they are not afraid of initiative. They are people who experience curiosity and amazement a lot. In order for a person to be open to new experiences, they need to come out of their shell."
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that it is the duty of the parents to teach the child self-perception and said, "If a child does not leave his mother's side and the mother does not give him much opportunity to do so, this child becomes a mother-addicted, dependent child and that child experiences anger and love towards the mother at the same time with adolescence. It is one of the most important duties of the parent to teach the child the correct self-perception. It is important to give the message 'You are a separate person, a separate individual'."
The child should be raised to adapt to life
However, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out that the message to be given here should be in moderation and said, "There is me and there is the other, but the gap between the ideal self and the real self is widened in children who are raised with the feeling of 'I am superior to them' or 'You are superior to everyone else'. And when the gap widens, the child feels uncomfortable when someone criticizes him/her when faced with the realities of life. If parents raise a child like a greenhouse flower, it can easily collapse when a storm comes. Therefore, it is necessary to raise them in accordance with life. Being a mother and father is not to protect our children, but to prepare them for life."
Investment in the self is the greatest investment
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that being able to make a good distinction between self-perception and the ideal self means being at peace with oneself and said, "At the same time, this person is someone who can improve himself/herself in life. The sense of self is being researched in other living things. There is no such thing as me in other living things. When you meet their basic needs, nothing happens. But there is always a design of self in human beings. Therefore, the self is the inner core of the human being and it is called the reference center. As soon as we are born, we are born with a center of reference inside us: me and others. Then it is gradually shaped in the family. If the person shapes it correctly, a correct identity and personality emerges over the years. If it is shaped incorrectly, the wrong identity and personality emerges. For this reason, investing in our self is the biggest investment a person can make in life."
Individualization is one thing, selfishness is another
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that when a person meets another person, he is greeted with his outer appearance but sent off with his inner appearance, noting that there is an important difference between individualization and selfishness:
"For him, it is not the physical appearance that makes a person human. It is his temperament, character, humanity. In other words, it is the image inside. Surah is the physical appearance, sirah is the inner appearance. We have neglected our inner appearance. This is one of the biggest evils that modernism has done to us. It has presented us with an approach that secularizes everything that the secular understanding offers. We even see psychologists who have been trained in the West for couple therapy saying, 'You are important, the family is not important, the individual is sacred, not the family'. He says, 'If I am sacred, if I am the most important, why should I suffer my wife and child, I came to this world only once'. Individualization is one thing and selfishness is another. Individualization and being an individual is a good thing, but being an individualist is not a good thing. When you are individualistic, you see the world as revolving around you. This is the lowest step of self-development. Freud made a very good observation here. He says the child is the primary narcissist. Schizophrenic is secondary narcissism. In primary narcissism, the child loves only himself, he thinks the world revolves around him. If you ask who is the most selfish being, he would say the child. Because he doesn't recognize anything else. He invests love first in himself, then in his mother, and as he grows older, in people, nature, the universe, the creator. The more correct and fair love investment he makes, the more he will have in his saddlebag at the end of his life. But the schizophrenic person has secondary narcissism, that is, he directs his investment of love back to himself. He prioritizes himself, but he fails to struggle with the difficulties in life and withdraws into himself. He creates a space in his mind where he wages wars in his own world and makes it rain. For example, he says it is raining because I am in a bad mood, the sun is shining because I am cheerful."
Three realities do not mix in self-perception
Noting that there are three types of self-perception, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "This is also important in psychological health. The first self is the physical reality of the person. This is soft, hot or cold. The second is imaginary reality. The world of imagination is like clouds and the world of the mind is like muddy water. If we clean our imaginary world, the water in our mind will be clean. So we need to make our imaginary world beautiful. If our imagination is dirty, we cannot remove dirty water from our mind. The other reality is the dream reality. The biggest characteristic of schizophrenics is that they cannot distinguish the boundaries of these three realities. They dream, think the dream is real, believe and live accordingly. Or he dreams and believes in it as soon as he wakes up. No one with a sense of self confuses these three realities. Therefore, our sense of self is the most important lantern in human hands, it illuminates. It illuminates itself, it illuminates its surroundings. And developing our sense of self is what makes us human. Other living beings do not have this feature. It is enough to eat, drink and reproduce. Humans have the gene to explore, to be open to new experiences. Humans perceive time. No other creature has a sense of time and space. These are the genes that enable us to produce abstract concepts that distinguish humans from other living things."
