Be your child's parent, not their friend
Pointing out the importance of parental attitudes in the development of children, experts emphasize the need to draw boundaries instead of approaching the child as a friend. Experts who say "Be your child's parent, not his/her friend" point out that parents should get to know their children well and develop a behavior model in accordance with the child's temperament and personal characteristics.
NPISTANBUL Hospital Specialist Clinical Psychologist Aziz Görkem Çetin pointed out the importance of establishing a balance in the relationship between parents and children and said that setting limits should be taught. Stating that parents who try to be like friends with the child to establish a good communication with the child can be encountered, Aziz Görkem Çetin pointed out that this situation is not healthy.
Parents cannot be friends
Stating that parents cannot be friends, Aziz Görkem Çetin noted that a boundary must be drawn and said the following:
"Being friends with children is a popular discourse in our society. But why do they use this discourse when parents already have a role in society? If we put aside the desire to be seen as modern parents in society, another reason can be characterized as an effort to establish good communication. There should be boundaries in the relationship between parent and child, but our social culture perceives boundaries as walls. However, setting boundaries means respecting the other party. A parent who does not draw a one-sided boundary is a parent who respects their child. Being a parent is a condition of society and relationship, but parents being friends cannot be supported by a social and psychological explanation. Because parents cannot be friends. And why should parents have to be friends to meet their children's needs? When we can be understanding parents, parents who develop a holistic perspective? We don't need to be friends to be a good and understanding parent to our children."
Develop an appropriate behavior model for your child
Aziz Görkem Çetin emphasized that parents should draw boundaries during childhood, and noted that these boundaries should be shaped according to the suitability and needs of the child's social environment. Çetin said, "Relationship styles and rules with children should not only consist of the elements they know to be true, but should also be shaped according to the peer relations and age of that period. Basically, parents should first get to know their children and subjectively express their behavior accordingly. Not all knowledge and not all experiential methods are suitable for every child. Therefore, you should get to know your child and develop a behavior model accordingly. For example, if you have problems with your child regarding studying and the use of technological devices and you want to regulate this, it would be a better move to make an agreement by considering your child's needs and motivation in this context. You should not expect your child to be completely away from technology or to spend very little time with it. For this reason, it is a more realistic behavioral move to evaluate your child according to both the conditions of the age and temperamental characteristics."
You give a double message to the child
Aziz Görkem Çetin said, "Be a parent to your child, don't be a friend because no friend is a substitute for a parent," and added, "Parents who try to be like a friend to their children and find it right are giving their children a double message. Can you listen to your child's mistakes like a friend? Or can you understand the needs of his/her period and tolerate him/her like a true friend? It is very difficult to answer these questions, or perhaps many questions like these. We have social and relational roles and when these roles interfere with each other, we experience conflicts in communication. There are distinctions between the roles of parents and fathers when it comes to raising children, let alone parents being friends, and these distinctions vary according to culture. As a mother and father, you should discuss decisions about your children together and express the reasons appropriately to your children."
The child should behave in an age-appropriate manner
Stating that the child's mature behavior can also lead to problems in the future, Aziz Görkem Çetin said, "If the child behaves like a big man or a big woman, we see this situation as an early maturity in our society and reinforce it. However, the developmental and vital experiences of our children should progress in accordance with their age. It is healthier for them to behave according to their self and their needs. Reinforcing this can lead to coding that the individual needs approval or that they will be loved when they are approved. When such a situation occurs, getting support from a specialist will ensure that the process progresses at a healthier point."
No need to be friends to be a good and understanding parent
Expert Clinical Psychologist Aziz Görkem Çetin said, "You don't need to be friends with your children to be a good and understanding parent. You do not even need to use this as an analogy. It would be better to develop a behavior model according to their needs, considering that your children are unique and not like anyone else."
Parents, listen to these recommendations
Stating that there must be boundaries within the family, Çetin said, "Boundaries are a point that means that individuals respect and love each other. Boundaries should not be understood as walls. As parents who love unconditionally, do not make your children unhappy by imposing social and cultural elements intensely and respect their temperament, decisions and thoughts."
