The incident between two children in Ankara, which resulted in the death of a child, brought the issue of violence to the agenda once again.
Experts point out that it is not enough to explain the issue by attributing it only to games, television series and the way children are raised are important factors. Stating that the education level of parents is also effective in child development, experts say that children who are put at the center of life and raised aggressively will have significant disadvantages.
Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital AMATEM Coordinator and Psychiatry Specialist Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz gave important advice to families by mentioning the events that negatively affect children in their growing up age.
Violent behavior is increasing in society
Stating that the issue should be handled under two headings, Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz said, "There is information that the incident occurred while they were on the internet or playing computer games. In order to understand whether playing games or being in front of the computer is the main cause or a secondary cause, we can talk a little more about being angry and violent behavior. It is observed that violent behavior is increasing in society. This is not only in the sense that the media provides more information, but also when we look at the cases that come to us, we have started to see violent behavior from a young age. There are multiple reasons for this. One of these reasons is that unfortunately, as a society, we cannot show the necessary stance against violent behavior. When we look at the news or when a violent behavior is encountered, I do not think that criminal sanctions are sufficient. There is no deterrence."
Creating a utopian world for children
Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz said, 'Parents need to put their hats in front of them and look at the situation from the beginning:
"When we raise our children, we raise them as if they are at the center of the world. We think as if everything is created for them. We create a utopian world where they are so valuable and precious that everyone around them is at their service. Because of the approach that if there is bread, it should be all theirs, the child has no sense of sharing with those around them. We raise them with such an expectation and a feeling that what they want must be done at that moment. Our children do not know how to share and love. When the upbringing is not right, they don't know how to do something nice for someone else and protect them."
They can ignore others
Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz said, "When they are raised with the feeling that they are unique, alone, that they own everything, that the whole world was created for them, and then when they are faced with the first obstacle, they become children who are insistent and make them do what they want to the end. At the age of 3, we can give the example of a child who kicks up a fuss when he is not given a toy he wants. Children who insistently refuse to give a toy when a visiting friend comes to the house, who cannot even adapt to the change to another toy, unfortunately, when they grow a little older and stronger and when this feeling becomes ossified, they can come to the point where they can ignore or destroy the other party in order to get what they want, to get what they want."
Raising children with psychological resilience
Stating that psychological resilience should be underlined, Dilbaz continued his words as follows:
"We should actually raise children with psychological resilience. There should be children who can cope with stress, create positive coping mechanisms when faced with stress, and while doing so, respect, protect and avoid harming the other person. Sometimes children can theoretically say that they are sensitive to social events. It is very easy to say theoretically because the attitude of the parents or the school, the society or the expectation of the scholarship they will receive may be in this direction. The important point here is how much they internalize it. We can talk about democracy, we can say that we are in favor of it, but our actions may not be in line with our thoughts. Talking about democracy is like talking about an environment where there is no democratic practice."
A good balance should be established when raising children
Stating that parents should be good models, Dilbaz continued his words as follows:
"A parent who tells children that lying is bad and smoking is harmful is not an important model for the child. In the researches conducted, we can see that the level of education brings pluses and minuses. It is partly true that there are expectations that more democratic attitudes will increase as the level of education increases. As the level of education increases, parents' competition and expectations from their children also increase. Parents try to raise their children to be more assertive. A world is created around children that life and education are difficult, that they will work hard, that they will be in a race, that they will be more ruthless for better conditions. Raising an assertive or aggressive child in a competitive environment is different from raising an aggressive child. That balance needs to be kept very well. Of course, he will be hardworking, he will labor, he will be rewarded for his labor, what he will do in order not to be cheated can be considered normal. However, when he starts to be aggressive, that is, when he creates an aggressive attitude towards the other party, the situation gets worse. We can see this clearly when we look at the news on this subject."
Society takes things for granted
Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz drew attention to the society's acceptance of such incidents and said, "Recently, a person who caused his girlfriend to lose her life said in the newspaper that the incident was exaggerated. We should also emphasize the acceptance of the society. Television series are an important point. I think TV series where spouses cheat on each other are out of our culture. The ratings of those series are very high. TV series that show violence against women also attract attention. I am not saying that it is because of the TV series, but it is ensured that such a culture exists and increases gradually. We compress this issue into a very small area with computer games. Especially when we talk about violent behavior in children or when we talk about insatiability and unlimitedness, we need to talk about adult behavior in the foreground."
