Stating that violence against women has many psychological, biological and physical aspects, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Violence is a primitive and savage social behavior that cannot express itself verbally." Emphasizing that a person should never see violence as a problem-solving tool, Tarhan said, "People who resort to violence are incapable people. Women who are subjected to violence should not remain silent." Tarhan noted that the ombudsman system should also be introduced in marriage.
Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan made evaluations within the scope of November 25, World Day for the Prevention of Violence against Women.
Stating that violence against women has increased both in Turkey and around the world, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development OECD has a 2019 report. In that report, Turkey ranks first among countries. We are ahead of America. The report is based on women who say they have been subjected to physical or sexual violence once in their lives. In 2010s, the number of women who died from violence in Turkey was around 100. Now it is around 400."
"Violence is a primitive social behavior"
Stating that violence against women has many psychological, biological and physical aspects, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Violence is a characteristic of primitive and savage societies that cannot express themselves verbally. Violence was considered normal in primitive societies, but man became civilized. In the 21st century, we have entered the information age. Mental power is now at the forefront. Physical power has become secondary. Cultures that try to get results through violence are primitive cultures."
"Conflicts arise under stress"
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that male and female brains work differently under stress, that the male brain wants loneliness under stress, while the female brain relaxes by sharing and said, "Our genetic codes are like this. If both sides are under stress, the man wants solitude and the woman wants to share. In this case, conflicts may arise. In such cases, instead of silencing the woman, the man should talk to her, relax her and make her feel that he loves her. Then it is not necessary to understand the woman, making her feel loved is better for women, but the woman does not need to express her love when the man is stressed, it is enough to express that she understands him."
"Hidden depression leads to violence"
Noting that hidden depression is seen in men who commit violence against women, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Hidden depression, serotonin decrease causes stress in people. There is a tendency towards violence."
"Violence should never be accepted"
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that there are women who perceive their husbands' violence as a sign that they are valued and that this is very wrong and that this understanding should be corrected. Prof. Tarhan also underlined that violence should never be accepted and must be opposed.
"Violence is not a problem solving tool"
Emphasizing that a person should never see violence as a means of solving problems, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "People who resort to violence are incapable people. Women who are subjected to violence should not remain silent. They should mobilize their husbands' brains that think, not feel. This time, the man starts to develop methods on his own."
"Problem solving style should be developed in relationships"
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that there are some personality types among both men and women, and that these types are dependent on the other party and said, "They say, 'I hate you, but don't leave me'. They are emotionally unstable people. In such cases, the other party cannot understand what their spouse wants. For this reason, people who have spouses with such behaviors should get psychological support. If a problem-solving style can be developed in relationships, spouses can get along. The decision to divorce should not be made immediately. Solutions should be explored. Divorce is like the surgeon saying he is bored in the middle of the operation and quitting the operation."
"Violence at home affects the child negatively"
Noting that violence at home has negative effects on children, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "If there is violence at home, if there is physical or emotional violence, children also watch this. When we look at the background of men who commit violence, those men also have a history of violence. Violence occurs mostly when there are ego battles between men and women."
Tarhan: "An ombudsman system should be introduced in marriage"
Stating that the world is going through a sociological transformation, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "It is necessary to interpret the women's liberation movement. It is important to take this transformation into consideration when enacting relevant laws. In our culture, when men and women cannot solve the problem, elders step in, then family counselors, and if none of them can solve the problem, divorce is the way to go. But right now it is very difficult to find parents who are mediators. A system should be established for family matters. When spouses appear before the court, there is no longer any issue to be solved. But if these problems are consulted with an expert, 80% of the problems are solved. The divorce rate has exceeded 50% all over the world. In Turkey, 30 out of 100 marriages are divorced in the first five years. The ombudsman system needs to be introduced. Regarding the problems in marriage, the judge should ask the couple: "Did you agree? Have you discussed your problems? If the couples say 'No', a third person should be appointed and an agreement should be reached, or at least tried," he said.
"Marriage maturity should be taken into consideration"
Noting that the psychologist who will guide the couples should be an expert in family counseling, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "There is a marriage maturity scale before marriage. The parties should test themselves by looking at the results. At the beginning of the relationship, usually during the engagement period, the parties hide each other. Especially some men feel like they have received a deed when they get married. Before marriage, the parties should check whether they are lying or not, whether they are honest. The culture of kindness and grace in domestic relations is important."
"If cooperation cannot be established in marriage, love evaporates"
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that love is not the cause of marriage, but the result of it and said, "If we are able to establish good cooperation, an average love can turn into love. If cooperation cannot be established, love evaporates. It is usually stubbornness that destroys marriages. A stubborn person has no mental flexibility. The right obedience is voluntary obedience. If you rule your spouse with fear and threats, you are a terrorist, you are incapable. A helpless person tries to rule with fear. The ideal spouse gives confidence. The ideal wife rules without being overbearing. If one invests in marriage, marriage becomes one of the gardens of paradise. If marriage is a good marriage, it becomes a refuge. Such a marriage is not a dream, it is possible. If people cannot do it themselves, it can be done with the help of an expert. Right now young people don't want to get married. The institution of marriage is being damaged globally. This is not for the good of humanity. This globalization is affecting humanity. The building block of society is the family. We learn most of what we learn in the family environment. The family and the concept of motherhood should not be weakened. If a smart man wants to raise his children well, he will succeed in making his wife happy."
Istanbul Police Department and Üsküdar University signed a protocol
Noting that we are an emotion-oriented society in bilateral relations, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "The West acts more on the axis of thought. We act immediately with our emotions. The sense of honor is also high in violence against women. This is how it turns out in statistics. In cases of violence, as Üsküdar University, we have signed a joint protocol with the Istanbul Police Department. We will also investigate the perpetrator of violence. We will investigate why the man committed violence. How can a person afford to kill? We aim to turn this into a scientific analysis and we will act according to the results."
"How social media is used is important"
Noting that social media, which is widely used today, is both an opportunity and a threat, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said:
"This depends on how social media is used. If we use it as a tool, social media makes our job easier in such cases. But if we are in the hands of the malicious emotions within us, social media makes people make mistakes easily. It depends on how we use it. Let's not fool ourselves by attributing things to external causes. There is no human being without a bad part inside. Human beings are made up of good and bad emotions by biological nature. Let's get to know ourselves first and then give positive meaning to our lives. Mother Teresa has a very good quote. When asked 'How can the world become a better place?' she says 'By doing good for good'."
