Stating that the feeling of "we" between couples in the family, the cornerstone of society, constitutes the backbone of marriage, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said that the feeling of "we" is balanced when we live together by accepting differences. Emphasizing that quality marriages require effort and investment, Tarhan warned couples against emotional poverty. Tarhan said, "When a person is emotionally poor, he cannot understand what the other party feels. There is nothing as selfish as not understanding the feelings of the other person."
Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out the unifying power of the feeling of "we" between couples in marriage.
Achieving the feeling of "us" requires labor and investment
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that the sense of "we" is balanced when 'togetherness' is experienced by accepting differences and said, "Human beings should be able to be independent without being selfish and free without establishing superiority. Achieving this requires labor and investment. When I asked a person who plays the piano well how long he practiced, I got the answer 'nine hours a day'. If so much time and effort is invested in a piano, who knows what sacrifices must be made for a good marriage. For this reason, marriages in which effort and investment are made are of high quality. If this can be done, a path to happiness can be found within differences. The important thing is not to try to change the other party, but to show a flexible approach."
Poverty of emotion causes selfishness!
Noting that men are emotionally poorer than women, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "When a person is emotionally poor, he cannot understand what the other person feels. There is nothing as selfish as not understanding the feelings of the other person. If a person does not think 'I should put myself in his/her place' or 'what would I do if I were in his/her place' and only looks from his/her own perspective, he/she cannot empathize and act correctly.
Empathy should be created in marriage
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that in psychiatry, men and women use the mirroring method to ensure that they are aware of each other. "In this method, when a person tells something, the interlocutor confirms that he understands and approves him. Such a method of sharing emotions strengthens co-sensation and accelerates the approval process. The strengthening of co-sensation means that the other person says 'I understand your way of thinking and what you mean'. When a model of co-sense is established between two people, the parties obey and complement each other. In such an environment, a happy marriage will be realized and happy children will grow up."
