When raising children, it is of great importance to focus on behavior-oriented education rather than word-oriented education. Pointing out that girls take their mothers and boys take their fathers as role models, Uzm. Prof. Dr. Mahir Yeşildal emphasized that the behaviors that the child takes as an example from the parents will also be realized by the child in the future.
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Psychiatry Specialist Dr. Mahir Yeşildal from Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital made important evaluations about the effect of parental behavior on children.
Educate your child with behavior, not words
"One of the basic principles in raising a child is to educate the child with behaviors instead of words," said Uzm. Dr. Mahir Yeşildal,
"For example, a guest comes home, gets up around 23.00-00.00, the parents say, 'Sit down, you just arrived. The guest leaves, and this time the parents say, 'They didn't leave. The child learns hypocrisy from there. This shows the child that being dishonest and hypocritical is normal. We need to teach the child our ability to solve problems within the family in terms of violence."
Girls look up to their mothers, boys look up to their fathers
Specialist. Prof. Dr. Mahir Yeşildal said, "Girls take their mothers as role models and boys take their fathers as role models" and continued his words as follows
"The first man in a girl's life is her father, and girls learn how to communicate with another man through their relationship with their father. The same is true for boys.
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Ask your child's opinion
5-year-old children should not be dressed according to their own minds. It is necessary to put 3 t-shirts and ask, 'Which one do you want to wear, my son or daughter? It is necessary to put in place an upbringing model where they can express their own free will.
Don't hide the problems by saying "Our child's psychology should not be affected"
I am also very much against this in the family when a problem arises; there is a problem, 'Let's keep quiet in front of the child'. No sir, if there is a financial problem in your home, there is no harm in talking about it in front of the child. If there is a problem in your bilateral relations, if you want to talk about it like civilized people, please talk about it in front of the child. Because the child will learn problem solving from you. For example, when parents are going to get divorced, they say, 'Let's wait until our child develops at least abstract thinking skills, let's wait until he/she is 6-7 years old, let's postpone it until the age when he/she can understand what divorce is' and until that age, they act as if there is no problem in the house. Because the problems are not brought to the table or to the playground of the child for fear that the child's psychology will be negatively affected. While the child is going along rosy, suddenly he/she learns that his/her parents are divorced. From whom will he learn why they divorced? He will learn from grandmothers and grandfathers, in other words, he will learn from biased people and he will learn things in a distorted way. Therefore, when raising a child, if you are able to have a civilized relationship, there is no point in hiding things from the child. You should also talk about the municipal elections in the environment where the child is, the rising prices of nuts, and the sales points... We can teach the child about life by talking about all these things."
Dr. Mahir Yeşildal, Psychiatry Specialist from Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital, said the following about the effects of parents' unstable behavior on the child:
"The father goes to work, the mother starts complaining about the mother-in-law and in-laws. When the father comes home, the picture he paints is completely different. The mother is silent, she doesn't say anything about these issues, the father says; 'Your mother did the same thing 20 years ago when she bought a sofa'. The child receives a double message. Is it possible to expect a child raised in such a family to develop a stable communication and relationship?"
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"He will treat her the same way his father treats his mother"
Dr. Mahir Yeşildal, Psychiatry Specialist from Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital, concluded his words as follows:
"If it is a boy, if there is not a healthy relationship between his mother and father and he cannot identify with his father and establish a healthy communication with his mother, he will behave in the same way as his father treats his mother. How his father treats his mother, he will treat her the same way. That child will constantly complain about his/her father, 'My father did this, my father was violent to my mother, my father didn't give me money', etc.; but he/she will do 5 times what his/her father did. Because he doesn't know anything else."
