Stating that arrogance is actually a symptom of a disease, psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said that arrogant people experience fear of being ordinary. Pointing out that these people experience narcissistic injury, Tarhan says that they may even consider ending their lives when they fail.
Üsküdar University Founding Rector Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan made evaluations about the psychology of arrogance and pride.
Stating that pride, known as arrogance in society, is actually not a disease, but a symptom of disease and a personality problem, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Arrogance is the intense feeling of greatness. There is a personality structure we call narcissistic personality. The biggest theme of these people's lives is their high sense of greatness. They see themselves as special, superior and chosen. They also see other people as small. Their sense of entitlement is directed towards themselves. These people do not like waiting in line. People who say "Do you know who I am?" in traffic are full narcissistic people. They see themselves as incredibly superior and privileged and expect this privilege to be recognized everywhere."
There is no arrogance in a person who analyzes himself realistically...
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that when the psychological analysis of these people is done, it is seen that these people have not self-confidence but self-esteem and said, "Self-confidence is a person's peace with himself/herself. Self-confidence is recommended for a person's health, but self-esteem is when a person sees things that he/she does not have as if he/she has them. If a person sees what he/she has, he/she will not experience a sense of greatness. There is no arrogance in a person who analyzes himself realistically. Every person is unique, no person should be underestimated. Narcissistic people see themselves as superior and others as inferior. They have turned this situation into a personality."
Modernism imposes arrogance
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Self-admiration is the admiration of oneself."
"Narcissistic is a disease of self-admiration. The biggest main theme in his/her personality is the sense of greatness. People with a sense of greatness are like people who have eaten garlic. They appear to be humble, but behind their humility there is a sense of grandiosity. In fact, an arrogant person entered an environment where humility was at a premium and acted extremely humble. When he was asked, "Why are you acting like this, you weren't like this before?" he said, "I must be the greatest in humility. Human beings have a feeling of being at the forefront, of being the best. This is a primitive and wild feeling. Everyone has this feeling to a greater or lesser extent. Modernism imposes pride and arrogance under the name of self-confidence in the capital system. It presents self-praise as a skill."
Arrogant people have sanctified themselves
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said that the feeling of arrogance is to see oneself as great and others as small: "At one end of arrogance is this; you do not see others as small, but you see yourself as great. Such people appear to be modest. But in close relationships it is understood that the person has sanctified himself/herself. This kind of greatness is self-worship. It is knowing that many of the blessings he has are his own. This situation is against the laws of creation and the philosophy of existence."
Arrogant people stay alone
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "People with the disease of greatness do not know their limits and where to stop. They are the ones who say I am the best leader. They are the ones who speak with greatness. Although people do not understand, these behaviors are contrary to morality. People don't like and get cold from those people. These types are unloved without realizing it. Arrogance is like the smell of garlic, you can't hide it, it can be understood even from your tone of voice. Arrogance is a repulsive and cold feeling and that is why arrogant people are lonely. When they are successful, they are surrounded and crowded. When they retire or lose their success and power, they are all alone. This time they accuse people of being self-interested. However, people do not stand by them, they stand by them for their own self-interest. We can also call it the disease of grandiosity. Our ancestors always said, "Don't be proud, my sultan, there is God greater than you." This is the most important obstacle to human psychological maturation."
Narcissistic person cannot make the right investment of love
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that a person who does not discipline the sense of greatness within himself cannot reach psychological maturity and said, "The sense of greatness is coded into human beings like eating, drinking and reproducing. The being with the highest sense of narcissism is the child. Children think that the world revolves around them. As they grow up, they invest their love in other generations, their parents, life, philosophy of life, existence, creator, etc. In such cases, they manage the source of love correctly. The narcissistic person invests all in himself. Freud also called schizophrenia 'secondary narcissism'. A schizophrenic person makes it rain in his own world. This is the disease," he said.
Arrogant people are afraid of mediocrity
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that a person who considers himself special, important and superior even though he is mentally healthy is a person who has the characteristic of arrogance:
"There is actually a great fear behind arrogant people. There is a fear of being ordinary. That's why he says 'I would rather not live at all than be ordinary'. He experiences what we call narcissistic injury. When they fail, they commit suicide by saying 'I am a failure, why should I live? Therefore, they cannot tolerate failure. One of the reasons for the increase in suicide in the world is the global spread of narcissism as a disease. A person who sees himself as the god of the earth cannot afford to control everything.
They want to control everyone
The biggest characteristic of a narcissistic person is that he/she says 'I should control everything, I should always have my way'. They have an excessive sense of control. He wants to control even the dreams of his child or his wife, there is narcissism behind this behavior. Even if they pretend to be humble, their inner world is not like that. They work all the time because of the fear of being ordinary. The capital system uses these people very well. They go on dying by saying 'it is better to die than to fail'. "Death or success" is their philosophy of life. They work hard, they produce a lot, they always want to be the center of attention, special, superior. For this they engage in non-peaceful competition. They trip over others, they play with other people's bread. Just to maintain their own power and authority. It is dangerous. That's why wars have broken out in the world, that's why family fights break out. If we want inner peace in our own world, at home and in society, we must first tame narcissism."
Stating that such people can manage their emotions, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "We all have narcissistic tendencies in marriage. When we realize this, let's not be afraid, this can be life energy for us. In other words, it makes us hardworking, but we need to turn our goal into social benefit, not ego satisfaction. We need to look for social benefit, not individual benefit. If a narcissistic person turns his/her tendency to be successful into being useful to society, this person will have changed the direction of narcissism. Because we cannot kill this feeling. This is also the feeling of feeding on people's applause, the feeling of fame, the feeling of enrichment. Not every person can be rich, famous, successful, but every person can be a good person. It is important what our ego ideal is in such situations."
How to deal with these people?
Stating that there are also people who have to live with such people, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "If we want to control a person's narcissism, we will start with ourselves. We will neither oppress nor oppress in relationships. This is the first principle. A narcissistic person pushes their own limits. Therefore, narcissistic people are like cancer cells. What is the characteristic of a cancer cell? It grows by destroying the tissues next to it. It is insatiable, irresponsible and limitless. It starts in the liver, grows and dies together with the liver. It grows to death. Narcissism is like that, it is greedy. We all have three or five cancer cells in our bodies, even at a young age. When the immune system weakens, those cells multiply. Narcissism is also a cancer of the soul. It covers our soul structure like cancer. It is also a social cancer," he said.
Narcissistic person sees his/her spouse as a limb
Noting that narcissistic people also negatively affect family relationships, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "It happens more in men, especially in the family. He has the money, he has the power and he wants to control his wife. He sees her like a slave. A narcissistic person sees his/her spouse like a limb. He gets up when she says get up, stops when she says stop. He does not see her as a separate individual. The person needs to explain to him/her that he/she is a separate individual. A narcissistic person should never be treated modestly. If you act humble in front of a narcissistic person, he/she will start giving you advice. It is necessary to criticize their mistakes, not their personality by saying 'You are successful, you have done good things, but I don't think like you on this issue for the following reasons'. If you criticize their personality, they will attack you. For example, if the spouse expresses his/her feelings by saying, 'Actually, you are a good person, you take care of us, you work for us, but this behavior of yours is not good', after a while both parties start to control each other's narcissism. Thus, the person who wants to control realizes that they have limits. The person will not let the narcissistic person into his/her boundaries. For this reason, in order to develop the awareness of living together, it is necessary to say no to narcissistic people with their reasons. We try to gain the ability to say no with people who have difficulty in such situations."
Stating that narcissistic people are afraid of losing the things they value, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "When these people are told, 'If you continue this way, you will lose these things,' they make self-criticism. Therefore, we need to find the things that these people value. When they realize that they will lose what they value, they start to change themselves. Even if his narcissism continues, he can correct his behavior. In narcissism, we are practicing the ability to set limits for him. In order to overcome our own narcissism, it is recommended to do silent favors. Overt acts of kindness feed narcissism. This is a method of training narcissism. We give these people silent kindness as homework."
Mistakes can be communicated in writing
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that narcissistic people get wounded when they are criticized in public and said, "But when this person is called alone and told about his/her mistake, he/she can face his/her mistake without being humiliated. Despite this, if the person continues to make the same mistake, he/she is first warned verbally and then, if necessary, in writing. In the family, we sometimes say to give a written warning. For some people, a written warning is more effective than a verbal warning. If it does not improve despite these, it may be necessary to take concrete steps," he said.
