Stating that the age of substance use has decreased and that the behavioral changes that occur with substance use, especially in young people, should be observed correctly, experts give important warnings to parents. Stating that the temperament of the child who uses substances changes, he/she becomes angry, quarrelsome or, on the contrary, introverted, experts warn that "Parents think this is adolescence".
NPISTANBUL Hospital AMATEM Coordinator and Psychiatry Specialist Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz, while evaluating the changing family and child relationships today; made important warnings especially about substance abuse.
Parents should observe very well
Stating that the age of substance use has decreased and that parents should observe very well, Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz said, "There are differences in children's behavior. Parents think this is puberty. The temperament of your child who uses substances changes, he becomes more irritable, quarrelsome or withdrawn. He becomes self-destructive. He skips school, his success decreases, he has a different circle of friends and you don't know who he is with and what he is doing. He doesn't give you any information. He starts to stay in his room as if he lives alone at home and does not give you any information. When he answers the questions we ask him correctly, he needs to convey things to you correctly. He cuts off his relationship with his parents in order not to lie. When they use substances, they lose their appetite, their color starts to fade, and they develop flu infections. There is a craving especially for sweets and they start to spend more money than normal."
Allowance amount should be as much as needed
Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz emphasized that when giving pocket money to children, it is always necessary to give them as much as they need and warned, "Even if we have a lot of money, it is necessary to give them as much money as they need." Dilbaz said, "The other day a mother said, 'I don't recognize my child. She told me, 'My child was very good, conscientious, but he beat me up for money'. This is the damage to the forebrain. Because of the substance, the child who loves his mother has become unable to empathize."
The journey begins with the first encounter with the substance
Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz noted that addiction is a major problem of young people in the world and said, "In substance use, we first call it 'substance use disorder' before addiction. Addiction becomes addiction when the brain is disrupted by the substance. When an 18-year-old child uses cigarettes or alcohol, it is called use disorder before addiction, then risky use, and finally addiction. Most young people say 'I am not addicted, I drink when I want, I don't drink when I want'. You don't have such a chance. The journey begins when you first encounter the substance. You never know when your brain is affected. This situation varies individually."
Children should be given limits
Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz emphasized that families have a big role to play and that children should be given limits and said, "We should not say yes to everything and we should observe them very well. Today, children object to everything and say no. It is actually very good to be able to say 'no'. What we want is generations that can say no after childhood, during adolescence and adolescence. However, when you say no to everything, it is a sentence that what I say is right, what I want must be what I want. What should not be done here should be no, but this does not mean that you will get what you want in everything. It is very important to raise children who can see the limits and think about it."
Your child has only one parent
Stating that some parents are happy to be friends with their children, Dilbaz pointed out the fallacy of this attitude and said:
"In fact, children do not share everything. They have their own spaces. They especially share with their friends. Your child has many friends but only one mother and father. Please be your child's mother and father before friends. You can be his/her friend from time to time. Children need a boundary. They will decide what they are doing wrong. This should not be controlled from the outside. After a while they will internalize and decide for themselves. If we don't set this boundary, it may be necessary to stand over them like a policeman or a shepherd. This will not be the right thing. In the past there was the patriarchal family, before that there was the matriarchal family and now there is the child-oriented family. We build everything on what the children want and how to make them happy. This is one of the biggest mistakes. We always want our children to be happy. But children don't have the chance and possibility to be happy every second. Is there sunshine every day? Sometimes it may rain. If we eat dessert every day, does dessert have any meaning? Life is like that. They should enjoy everything, every moment. As with everything, there will be positive and negative moments in the world."
It is necessary to teach responsibility
Prof. Dr. Nesrin Dilbaz emphasized that children should be given responsibility while raising them and said, "A 25-year-old young woman says 'I don't know how to cook'. She doesn't need to know this, but just as we know how to read, write and do our hair, saying that we don't know how to cook should not be something to boast about. There are things we need to do in life. There are things we need to do as human beings. If we protect and protect so much, our children cannot take responsibility. This applies to children of all sexes. Boys are protected because they are more valuable and they are not given responsibilities. When I ask, "What does the child do?", they tell me, "If they feel like it, they do it, if they don't, they don't". This is not true. One family said, 'He folds socks'. This is a very good thing. Every child should have a responsibility and children should be given responsibility."
