Self-compassion can be defined as the ability to be a good friend and companion to oneself. It can also be called being understanding, kind and supportive towards one's own self. It is an inner attitude that can be extremely supportive where there is a difficulty, pain, distress. It is almost like carrying one's own first aid kit. It is called being aware of one's feelings and accepting them without judging, criticizing or blaming oneself, and acting on them by approaching oneself with compassion.
This is not self-pity. Accepting one's difficulties and learning to live with them helps to prevent future crises. It may take time to establish this friendship with oneself, but in case of increased awareness and consciousness, one is always supportive, understanding and kind to oneself.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion does not mean self-pity. Approaching oneself with compassion by accepting the negative events experienced and the emotions they have caused in the person, ensures that emotions are understood and that the person is not captive to emotions.
As with other experiences, emotions come and go. However, in order for them to pass, one needs to recognize them and touch them.
Allowing oneself to experience emotions, asking what one needs at that moment, supporting oneself in the same way as one would support oneself in the presence of a person one knows, enables one to know how to get up stronger from where one has fallen and to put them into action.
This is not about ignoring mistakes. Criticizing, blaming or judging oneself creates the misconception that it would be better, but this is not true.
Just as when we are supported by other people in the face of negativity, this makes us eager, in cases where mistakes are made, one should not blame oneself and try to do better with a supportive attitude.
Also, this should not be seen as selfishness. It is very important to know that we are the same as other people and that we can make mistakes and errors from time to time and that this is a natural behavior.
In those moments when we criticize ourselves and feel bad about it, how much attention can we give to our surroundings or how active can we be? In such situations, one should be compassionate towards oneself and accept the situation.
Research shows that people who are more sensitive, constructive and compassionate towards themselves are more caring, understanding and supportive towards their spouses.
Tips for Developing Self-Compassion
There are tips for developing self-compassion. Accepting that people can make mistakes and accepting one's own mistakes, recognizing that not everyone can be perfect and that people are worthy of love, and being able to forgive ourselves after mistakes are helpful.
Not worrying about the mistakes we have made or the things we don't have, being able to thank ourselves for skills or for everything we have, for everything we have, turns our inner voice into a kinder and more loving one. One can keep a diary for this, writing down the situations for which one is grateful.
Too much generosity can lead to neglecting needs when it doesn't apply to oneself. It is seen as a self-compassionate approach to calculate one's responsibilities depending on one's situation and to act in moderation. This also prevents damaging one's well-being.
Being aware and conscious, along with focusing on the moment, helps the individual to understand themselves better and to touch and accept emotions instead of critical approaches.
It is important for people who criticize and judge themselves in difficult situations and emotions in daily life to write a compassion diary and talk about the situations experienced and felt. In this way, emotions are recognized, become more understandable and enable the right action to be taken for the future.
What are the components of self-compassion?
The components of self-compassion are discussed in 3 different topics. These are self-kindness, common human feelings and awareness. Self-kindness means that when we approach a friend or colleague who is upset, we do not approach them in a mean, cruel or merciless way, but we approach them with love and kindness.
One should approach oneself with the same sensitivity. Asking "Why is this happening to me?" in bad situations or in case of misfortune, feeling lonely, thinking that he/she is experiencing all the pain and that other people are always happy.
In this case, a sense of common humanity, or sentiment, comes to the rescue. It is understood that all experiences in life are the same for everyone, that the negativities experienced are not unique to the individual, and that the person sees that they are part of the whole. In this way, they can realize that they are not alone and can bring common events to a common ground.
The last component, being conscious and aware, is to recognize the emotions that experiences and experiences arouse in the person. By focusing on the moment, one can recognize one's emotions and it is important for self-compassion. Mindfulness allows the person to observe everything that is going on as an outside observer instead of getting caught up in or identifying with emotions and thoughts.
Self-compassion, self-esteem and self-confidence
Self-compassion is similar to feelings such as self-esteem and self-confidence. However, there are some differences. Some researchers have conducted different studies on the subject in order to determine the difference between the states related to the self. Depending on this situation, although compassion may seem similar to respect, they may differ in many ways.
Self-esteem refers to the perceived sense of self-worth or how much one likes oneself. In contrast to self-esteem, compassion is not based on self-evaluation. One feels compassion for oneself because all humanity deserves compassion and thoughtfulness. This is not because they have certain characteristics.
In relation to self-confidence, self-compassion is missing an essential element. Self-confidence can lead to feeling happier and better about one's abilities, but it can also lead to emphasizing other abilities. Self-compassion, on the other hand, recognizes flaws and limitations, allowing the person to look at themselves in a more objective, objective and realistic way.
Self-compassion and Narcissism
Although being too comfortable and compassionate with oneself is often confused with narcissism, these two concepts are very different. Self-compassion is self-love and a good attitude towards oneself without social comparison. It is taking pride in one's achievements and skills in daily life. It is acknowledging one's own needs and accepting that it is normal to feel uncertainty and doubt at times.
This situation is the opposite in narcissism. Individuals with a narcissistic nature are in constant comparison with others in order to feel better. This situation becomes an obsession and they always need the approval of others. In the concept of narcissism, people strive to prove that they are better than others. They try to change other people's point of view and make them see things the way they want to see them. People with self-compassion focus on the self, while narcissistic people focus on other people.
Peace with Yourself with Self-Compassion Meditation
A comfortable place should be chosen for meditation and the instructions should be followed with closed eyes. Self-compassion meditation, when practiced regularly, makes you feel better and helps you cope with emotions such as anger and stress.
A comfortable position should be found. Eyes should be closed and a deep breath should be taken slowly through the nose. The breath should be exhaled more slowly and the person should go into relaxation at this stage. Keep breathing in and out, thinking that the tensions are coming out of the body and being released.
Pay attention to your breath and your body. Try to feel all your senses. Focus on the warmth, coldness, tingling in your body. Don't get caught up in different thoughts during meditation and gently let the thoughts flow.
Imagine a dream, it can be a person, a partner, a baby or an animal. Feel the compassion you feel when you see it. Try to feel its voice and smell. Try to see it in all its details. Feel the sensation of touching or being in front of the thing in your imagination. In this case, let there be a smile and warmth on your face. Feel this warmth, compassion and love with your whole being.
Forget judgment, forget hatred, love purely and without conditions and listen to the presence of compassion. Look at the reflection of emotions in your body. There may be a ripple in the chest area, there may be warmth on your face or some other area. Blur the object of life and leave it aside. But the emotions you feel remain with you. What would it be like to feel the warmth and compassion you feel for yourself?
Now touch your heart with both hands and keep breathing in and out, thinking about the softness and warmth of the breath and your understanding and compassion for yourself. As you breathe, the feeling of warmth, understanding and compassion spreads throughout your body and settles permanently everywhere.
Imagine a child, your childhood and who you are now, sitting side by side, looking at your childhood with compassion, patting your head or hugging it. Say to him/her in your imagination the tender words you most want to hear. I love you so much, I trust you so much, I am always there for you. You should always know that you are safe, I love and accept you for who you are, with your mistakes and your good points. You are precious and deserve to be loved. You can achieve anything you want.
If the meditation is practiced regularly, one's compassion and compassion for oneself will increase. You will see that your cruel, merciless and critical approaches to yourself will decrease over time.