Silent marriage and the right relationship between couples are among the issues that need to be addressed. Silence may be an individual personality trait, but a marital relationship requires communication. If a relationship is established with in-depth communication in which the spouses open their inner worlds to each other and share their feelings and thoughts about various situations, if the spouses know each other well enough and respect and accept each other's personal boundaries, an individual personality trait such as silence will not pose a problem for the relationship.
People have different communication patterns and problem-solving styles; some solve problems and relax by talking in a relationship, while others prefer to think and evaluate within themselves. If spouses get to know each other in this respect and manage to adapt to each other, their differences can even be an advantage in marital life. However, a general dominance of silence in a relationship may be an indicator of underlying problems.
What is Positive and Negative Silence in Marriages?
Silence in a marital relationship can be both constructive and destructive depending on the situation. Let us remember the proverb "if words are silver, silence is gold", and while it is good to speak, it is also valuable to know how to be silent at the right time. In this sense, we can talk about "positive silence" and "negative silence".
There are situations where it is acceptable, even constructive, to remain silent in relationships. For example, instead of reacting instantly in the face of a negative situation, thinking silently within oneself will enable one to evaluate the situation more accurately, to manage emotions related to the event and to give healthier reactions, and to prevent unnecessary discussions, stress and tension in the relationship. Such silence is "positive silence".
What distinguishes it from "negative silence" is that there is basically a healthy communication in the relationship between the spouses, and that it is experienced as an individual need to take a small break in the relationship for the purpose of problem solving or not to cause a break in the relationship.
In"negative silence", one or both spouses have erroneous attitudes such as ignoring problems, sweeping them under the rug, or while one party needs to communicate and solve problems, the other party resists, closes himself/herself off, engages in passive resistance, and sometimes one or both spouses exert power and control in the relationship.
How Does the Silent Marriage Model Affect the Balance in Marriage?
In every relationship there are conflicts or unmet needs arising from differences in personality and preferences. In such a situation, it is not right to ignore or suppress emotions. Instead of shutting down, withdrawing from the relationship, sulking and pouting, the relationship progresses healthily when an environment of reconciliation is created by expressing yourself in an appropriate language after clarifying your needs within yourself.
For example, your spouse may want to visit the family every weekend while you want to stay at home or do something else on some days. This is a conflict situation. An example of "negative silence" is not expressing it even though he/she does not want to, but sulking when he/she goes there or afterwards, or not showing it at all and waiting to be understood, and while waiting, resentment and anger increase.
In a marriage where silence prevails, as problems remain unresolved, the dose of tension increases over time with the accumulation of negative emotions, explosions occur, or the emotional bond between the spouses weakens, gradual distancing and disconnection from each other occurs, the marriage becomes monotonous, and as a result, a lifeless marriage model emerges in which only the responsibilities required by the roles are fulfilled.
What is a Healthy Relationship Between Couples?
For a healthy relationship; spouses should spare time for each other to develop emotional closeness and commitment, there should be an in-depth sharing in which they open their inner worlds to each other, as well as a clear, clear, mutual respect, empathy and tolerance that will enable the spouses to resolve minor disagreements without turning into big problems.
Before communicating with one's spouse, one's internal communication with oneself must be healthy. It is important to know oneself, to be aware of one's feelings and needs and to be able to express them in a way that will give positive direction to the relationship. It is difficult for a person who cannot analyze his/her own emotions to understand the other person. For a healthy relationship that can progress in a positive direction, it is necessary to be able to stretch oneself to find a point of compromise and to say no with courtesy.
How is Couple Therapy Applied in a Silent Marriage?
According to experts, couples should stop trying to maintain an emotionally disconnected, emotionally disconnected, non-sharing, lifeless marriage in which silence prevails, in order not to fight, not to argue. Arguing is a healthy thing, not to be confused with fighting. In a marriage where there is a lack of communication and sharing, it is very difficult for the spouses to get satisfaction from that relationship and to live a common life together because they do not know each other well enough and cannot understand what is going on in each other's inner world.
If couples realize that a relationship dominated by silence is going on in their marriage and they cannot make progress in initiating communication and increasing sharing with their own efforts, it is beneficial to meet with a relationship counselor and receive couple therapy without delay. It is not necessary to have major arguments or a breakdown in the marriage to go to couples therapy. Couples therapy will also be beneficial to increase communication and sharing in marriage, to improve their relationship, and to have a better quality and satisfying marital relationship.