The art of self-love is a whole in itself. One must first and foremost love and value oneself. Even if all the people in the world love us, we can never feel good about ourselves if we don't love ourselves. Therefore, what is called a temperament is the sum total of all one's attitudes. Self-love becomes a habit when a person makes it permanent. The system cannot change, but one can change one's own system. In order to change one's own system, one has to ask the question, 'How am I with myself?
What is called loneliness is a blessing in some cases, but in some cases the person does not realize it. We can consider these solitudes as a peace. There is no loneliness in human life. People relate to themselves even when they are alone.
For some people, the concept of loneliness is the state of being alone, living alone, spending time with oneself. Nowadays, loneliness also means being tired of life, neglecting oneself and staying with the feeling of loneliness involuntarily.
How does the Self State Develop?
There are three stages of a human being. These are identity, personality and self. Personalities form the way of realizing the dynamics within the identity. The self is the state of being oneself. When a person's identity and personality come into conflict, the essence of the person begins to emerge. It is the state of self where there is no need for money, work, friends or anyone else. It is necessary to evaluate how the person is with this state of self. The person needs to discover the ability to develop this state of self. With Covid-19, people could not continue their normal lives. People started to live with their self-states. Without socializing, without discussing, without entering crowded environments, perhaps no one was aware of their self-state. Generally, some people socialize because they run away from themselves. Some people do not know how to relate to themselves, they cannot carry themselves. When a person stands on his/her own, anxieties, fears and worries come to his/her mind. The answers the person gives to this situation are very important. One can find the truth here. For example, when distress comes into one's mind, instead of facing that distress and experiencing that pain, one finds a way to escape from that distress. When that distress comes, it is a situation that people who love themselves and tolerate themselves will experience. In this life, if one cannot relate to oneself, one cannot relate to others. When a person is left to his or her own devices, if he or she gets angry at himself or herself, criticizes and runs away, and is preoccupied with other pursuits, there will be people in life who will be angry with and criticize him or her. Self-loving people who are happy when they stay with themselves attract people who will experience the same feelings as they do, even if they socialize.
How does one love oneself?
The events that happen to a person do not disturb the person, but worrying about these events disturbs the person. If a person has the potential to worry, he/she tends to see whatever comes his/her way in life as a problem. If a person cannot tolerate being alone, they have to love the person at their core. The roots of our lack of self-love go back to childhood. Children who are raised under the impression that the authority figures in their lives have a problem in their existence can grow up to become adults who cannot love themselves in a healthy way. No matter what the child does, if the parents always complain about the child and are not satisfied, the child internalizes this negative situation and starts to grow up, and when he/she does something wrong, he/she starts to criticize himself/herself with the words of his/her parents.
Self-love is related to self-acceptance. The love we show ourselves should not be conditional like the love some children experience in childhood. We need to know how to love ourselves for who we are. A person who does not love his/her own essence should ask himself/herself every day for a month, 'What will I do today to love myself? The more forcefully you ask this question, an answer will come to your mind. If the person does what comes to his mind that day, the brain will remind the person that he did that action because he loves himself. If you repeat this situation for a while, after a while you will start to feel good and see that you love yourself. The biggest problem of human beings is that they lack the ability to love themselves. Loving oneself makes a person happier than being loved by others. Therefore, if one does not have the ability to love oneself, even if everyone in the world loves oneself, one will continue to feel at the bottom. If a person invests to be loved by others, if they do not invest to love themselves, they will never feel peaceful. When a person is stripped of their identity and personality and falls into their core self, they realize whether they love themselves or not. The negative emotions that come in this situation remind us of this. In events such as earthquakes, floods, disasters and wars in the world, identities become weak.