It is considered normal for children under the age of 6, who have developed imagination, to tell statements about dreams as if they were real because they have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy. From the age of 5, experts say that children begin to realize and comprehend reality and lies, and that attention should be paid if the act of lying continues after the age of 7.
Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital Specialist Clinical Psychologist Nuran Günana shared information about the reasons why children lie and gave important advice to parents.
At the age of 5, they begin to grasp reality and lies
Clinical Psychologist Nuran Günana, stating that they frequently encounter the issue of 'Why do children lie and how should a child who lies be treated', said: "Children under the age of 6 have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy. Since their imagination is developed and the sense of reality is not yet formed, it is normal for them to tell expressions about dreams as real. From the age of 5, children begin to recognize and comprehend reality and lies. If the act of lying still continues after the age of 7, attention should be paid."
Pressure makes the child lie
Günana pointed out that children may lie as a result of the pressure on them and continued his words as follows:
"Children lie when they are afraid of doing wrong, when they are afraid of disappointing their parents or being punished by them. Lying shows that the child is aware that they are doing something wrong. If the child has not completed his homework, he tries to solve this problem by lying and saying that he has done it. A child who comes home late even though his/her curfew has expired may also lie about where he/she is and who he/she is with. Lying is used to avoid consequences instead of facing them. Sometimes it is because they don't know how to solve a problem. If a child is lying about not completing homework on time, it is because they cannot figure out how to do it on time. Or they may resort to lying when they cannot find another way to deal with the conflict. So lying is a kind of problem-solving problem, a problem of lack of skill and avoidance of consequences."
Parents should learn the cause of lying
Stating that parents should be careful about this issue and try to understand why their children lie, Günana said: "Many parents think that their children lie to get something or to escape from something they don't want to do. However, children may have other reasons besides this motivation to lie. One reason might be that they are exploring a new idea and want to see what happens. So, 'what happens if I lie about this, what will the other person do for me or how will they act? What will it get me?' They may lie to test their parents or other people with assumptions such as," he said.
Children without self-confidence resort to lying
Günana said that knowing what others feel and think by lying is an important social skill for children and added: "However, if lying has become continuous in the child's life and affects daily life skills, then it means that it is a problem. Children who lack self-confidence may resort to lying to show that they are more talented and special in the eyes of others. They may also lie to gain the approval of others. One of the distinguishing characteristics of children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, in which impulsivity is prominent, is that they speak before they think. For this reason, they often tend to lie. Sometimes parents may encourage children to tell small lies for the sake of something good, but they may not see how this situation will end up."
Parents should also pay attention to their behavior
Clinical Psychologist Nuran Günana said, "One of the issues that parents should pay attention to is to pay attention to their own attitudes and behaviors" and continued her words as follows:
"Parents who overreact and are overly negative push children to lie. It is useful to pay attention to what kind of lies the child tells, why he/she tells them and under what circumstances. So the important thing is to address the underlying behavior that makes the lie necessary. If the underlying behavior changes and improves, the reason for lying will disappear. There will no longer be a reason to lie. The child may lie because he/she thinks the house rules are too strict, or he/she may lie because he/she cannot find another way to get around his/her parents who put too much pressure on him/her about homework. Many other reasons can be given. If parents get angry and angry at the child for lying, the child becomes even more withdrawn and the reason is never found out. This attitude does not help the child to change the behavior that makes lying necessary."
Trust should be instilled in the child
Stating that it is useful for parents to ignore the situation about the lies that children tell to attract attention, Günana said, "Instead of sternly warning or getting angry, it is useful to say 'this is a lie and I know that this did not happen to you'. Trust should be instilled in the child instead of responding with anger. Encouraging feedback such as 'I believe you can tell me what really happened' will help. An opportunity should be created for children to try again by reframing and encouraging the events that push them to lie."
There may be psychiatric reasons behind lying
"On the other hand, it is useful not to ask too many questions about that subject for children who tend to lie due to lack of self-confidence," said Specialist Clinical Psychologist Nuran Günana and continued her words as follows:
"As the question is asked, the child will satisfy himself by understanding that he attracts attention and his lying behavior will be reinforced. Generally, children do not lie arbitrarily, they have a reason, no matter how wrong it is. The task of parents is to guide and teach children appropriate and effective ways of solving problems. If, despite everything, the child shows pathological lying behavior, there may be many underlying psychiatric causes. Therefore, getting support and treatment would be the right way to go."
