If your child is afraid, there is a reason!
Parents' wrong attitude triggers fears.
The wrong attitude of parents determines children's anxiety and fears. Not taking the child's fear seriously, ignoring the problem instead of listening and calming the child increases the child's anxiety. When a parent who goes to work suddenly disappears instead of saying that they will return in the evening, it causes great anxiety in the child.
Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital Child Adolescent Psychiatry Specialist Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel said that parents' wrong attitudes are effective in the emergence of children's fears and anxieties.
Stating that fear or anxiety is a normal feeling just like happiness, sadness, anger, Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel said, "Like us adults, children are sometimes afraid of new or unknown objects / situations. Especially after the age of 2, children's fears increase as they begin to perceive their environment and their inadequacies more than adults. However, unlike adults, especially preschool children's inability to express themselves, the richness of their imagination world, and their inability to perceive abstract concepts in their minds completely cause them to be unable to cope with their fears "normally"."
Nail biting can be a symptom
Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel warned, "The child's anxiety can be clearly understood by expressing fear most of the time, but sometimes it can also appear with indirect symptoms such as nail biting, not wanting to go to school, stubbornness, introversion and even abdominal pain." Stating that children can perceive existing situations such as a foreign person, loud noise, animals, pool as a threat, Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel said the following:
"Children's imagination is quite rich: Pirates, monsters, aliens often visit them in their dreams. There may be events in their lives that will give them anxiety: Separation, medical intervention, moving, etc. Preschool children can be easily influenced and can be "infected" by the fears of their family and friends, as well as being influenced by television characters and the fears of their older siblings. In addition, they may be frightened by something they have witnessed or even just heard. Fears may intensify from time to time, for example, separation anxiety, which is one of the most common fears, is most intense between the ages of 1-3, but it can also start again at older ages with triggers such as starting school or staying in a different place."
Do not ridicule children's fears
Emphasizing that families unintentionally increase the child's anxiety with some mistakes, Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel said, "A parent may see fear as a sign of weakness, the result of this may be ridicule, belittling, for example, we come across discourses such as 'Is a man afraid? It is a common situation that families cannot tolerate the child's crying due to anxiety and do not wait patiently. For example, the fact that the family of the child who is afraid of separation disappears suddenly instead of saying goodbye by saying that they will return on the way to work, for example, causes the child's anxiety to increase later."
Do not intervene immediately
Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel pointed out that some families try to make their children obey by scaring them, while some families tend to raise their children very cautiously because of their own fears and said, "For example, a child who does not express his/her fear and does not cry may be intervened by saying that he/she is scared. Both approaches can increase anxiety in children. The child should not be intervened every time he/she has a problem, he/she should be expected to ask for help and the child should be supported in conditions that he/she can do. Religious education should be given to the child in accordance with his/her age, for example, talking about jinns or telling fearful tales to a child whose abstract comprehension is not sufficiently developed may cause an increase in anxiety."
How to approach a frightened child?
Noting that every child is different and special, Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel listed the methods to be used in dealing with fear as follows:
"Some children may be more prone to fear while others may be more courageous and assertive. First of all, the family should respect and accept the child and adjust their expectations according to the child. Trying to force or insist the child to face the fear usually leads to an increase or displacement of the fear. For example, a child who is afraid of a strange child or an adult should not be forced to meet/play with them. It may be enough to allow the child to make observations to get used to it. Physical contact such as hugging, patting on the back will make the child very comfortable. By using a calm tone of voice, you can show that you understand his/her fear. Feeling understood will increase the child's desire to express himself/herself. Telling a child with fear 'don't cry', 'it will pass' or 'don't be afraid' will not help."
Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel stated that the most important factor that calms anxieties is a regular and predictable life and said, "For this reason, it may be useful to inform the child in advance when going to a different place, to tell him/her about that place, maybe to have a favorite toy with him/her. We should not forget that children's imagination is wider than the words they can use. For this reason, it may sometimes be necessary to name the fear for the child. As children get older, play can be more effective than talking. Games such as hide-and-seek and peek-a-boo with lots of laughter are useful in overcoming separation anxiety."
Game method can be used
Stating that the family may also need to use their imagination, Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel said, "For example, a child who is afraid of lightning can be told a story that a king created this lightning. Or a child who is afraid of monsters can be given a "monster monster". Especially in fears that start after an event, reenactments and stories created with dolls and plush toys will help the child overcome his/her fear. In addition to these, the content that the child watches on television should be under the control of the family, and the child should be kept away from content that can be affected."
If the flow of life is affected, a specialist should be consulted
Stating that most of the fears in preschool period are considered developmentally normal, Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel stated that a specialist should be consulted when the flow of the child's life is affected and concluded her words as follows:
"If the parents feel that this situation is not normal, if the child continues to be affected even though 1 month has passed after a trauma, if the fears prevent the child from making friends, if they prevent the child from going to school, if they wake up from sleep and have other behavioral problems during the day, it may be useful to seek professional help. First of all, it is important that a child-adolescent psychiatrist identifies the situation and investigates the causes. For example, the underlying cause of school refusal may be a situation experienced at school or separation anxiety. In the treatment of preschool fears, family education and therapy with the child are at the forefront."