Peer bullying among children can cause severe trauma to the exposed child.
The child who experiences introversion and loss of self-confidence may experience a decline in academic success. Children who are ostracized, beaten or nicknamed by their friends hide this situation to avoid being labeled as "snitches". According to experts, the family, teachers and school should act together in peer bullying and help should be extended to the child in distress.
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Gökçe Cömert from Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital pointed out that individual struggle may be insufficient in peer bullying among children.
Negative self-perception is formed
Giving information about peer bullying, Gökçe Cömert said that families, teachers and school administrations have important duties regarding the situation, which is unfortunately very common in schools. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Gökçe Cömert stated the following:
"This problem is not an issue that only we can solve individually. When such a situation occurs, the school administration, teachers and the family should resolve the issue together. Children who are ostracized, beaten or called names by their peers begin to withdraw into themselves, and because they are ostracized, they develop a negative self-perception about themselves. What happens when children receive such exclusion and reaction from the outside at an age when they realize their skills and form their self-concept?
The child's signals should be recognized and an alarm should be raised
In a negative way, they become withdrawn and their self-confidence starts to decline, saying I am already a failure, I am already incompetent. What happens? There may be academic problems at school, there may be a drop in academic success. There may be unhappiness and withdrawal. They may have problems doing activities they normally enjoy. They may become very angry and have conflicts in the family environment. Because there may be a possibility of reflecting what they are going through to the outside. In such cases, we need to observe a little more, understand the child's signals, be alert and communicate with our child. Because unfortunately, everything that these children can do has been taken away from them and all solutions have been closed."
The child feels cornered
Pointing out that the child who is subjected to peer bullying feels very helpless, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Gökçe Cömert said, "If they tell their families about this situation they are experiencing, there is a possibility that they will be threatened or nicknamed as mama's boy. The possibility of telling the family or seeking help is taken away by the mobbing people and their friends. If the child seeks support from the school, they become snitches. They try to solve this problem on their own, but it is very difficult to solve the problem. Children who are bullied by peers have a lot of difficulty coping with it themselves. This can lead to suicide in some cases. Therefore, it is an issue that needs to be taken very seriously."
Clinical Psychologist Gökçe Cömert said, "Our primary goal is to reintegrate children who have been bullied into society or to take them to environments where they can express themselves more appropriately and to carry out activities to protect them. Children do not voice this issue, families need to have strong communication with them."
Every child can be exposed to peer bullying
Expressing that all children are likely to be exposed to peer bullying, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Gökçe Cömert said, "Peer bullying has nothing to do with the child's own personality or any behavior. In other words, there is nothing the child does here, but the child cannot find the strength to resist.
Self-expression skills should be gained
Expressing that it is necessary for the child exposed to peer bullying to receive psychological support, Gökçe Cömert said that self-expression skills should be developed. Cömert said the following:
"It is meaningful to direct the child to environments and activities where they can socialize in order to increase their communication skills and self-confidence. However, this guidance may carry a sub-message to the child that you are misbehaving and making mistakes. Families should act cautiously in this regard.
It makes sense for the child to receive external psychological support. Because problem solving skills can be developed by communicating with that psychologist. His/her skills of expressing himself/herself and his/her feelings can be improved. He can do all this by working one-on-one. Communication within the family can be increased."
Noting that one of our biggest shortcomings as a society is our lack of skills in expressing our feelings, Gökçe Cömert said, "Unfortunately, as a society, we do not express our feelings very much. We usually expect the other party to understand. If we say it ourselves, it does not seem valuable to us. This is actually a skill that should be acquired during childhood. If a child has a family environment where they can clearly express what they feel, what they think and what they need, they are very lucky. If they can be guided and encouraged by their parents and if their parents are role models in this regard, what more can we ask for?"
It is extremely wrong to say "hit the one who hits you"
Noting that it is very meaningful for the child or young person to receive psychological support if they are still under the influence of their past experiences, Cömert said, "Our strategy here should never be to hit the one who hits you. In this case, we are also damaging the child's self-confidence. On the other hand, we are saying that you couldn't do anything. This is definitely not the solution. The solution is to act together and to be aware that this is a very serious issue."
Expert Clinical Psychologist Gökçe Cömert, who also made some suggestions for restoring the self-confidence of children or young people who are bullied by peers, said, "It should be approached through positive behaviors, not negative behaviors. In other words, when he/she does something positive, you should give feedback. This will help increase the child's self-confidence. Many activities that they can be successful in should be tried, they should be directed to the ones they can be successful in and they should be motivated. The child should be accomplishing something."
Bullying is practiced by insecure people
"People who practice mobbing or peer bullying are thought to be more dominant or stronger," said Specialist Clinical Psychologist Gökçe Cömert, drawing attention to the fallacy of this judgment, "On the contrary, when a person sees himself strong or has high self-confidence, he does not engage in such behaviors. But if the person has problems with self-confidence, if they have problems with inadequacy, they try to feel strong by doing such behaviors. Therefore, it is related to the inadequacy and insecurity of the person who applies mobbing."