Using positive psychology methods in family communication makes it easier to solve problems. According to experts, family members should spend more time together, meals should be eaten together at the same table, and television should be turned off.
Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy pointed out that positive psychology, which has been talked about in recent years, has important effects on interpersonal relationships and family communication. Demirsoy said that the positive psychology approach requires looking at things positively, being optimistic, and being able to interpret the events encountered positively and learn positive lessons.
Healthy family can cope with difficulties
Stating that it is inevitable to have various ups and downs and to encounter problems in family life and in the course of life, Çiğdem Demirsoy said: "Not only in troubled families but also in happy families, financial and moral difficulties are experienced from time to time. Developmental problems of children, behavioral problems such as studying, economic difficulties in the family, job loss, relationship conflicts, which can be seen in almost every family, sometimes put families in difficulty, individual problems in family members or conflicts in family relationships may arise. Families that can cope with such difficulties can be defined as healthy families. In order to overcome difficulties, it is necessary to focus not on the problems but on their solutions. This is the approach of positive psychology, which suggests shifting the focus of attention from the negative to the positive, focusing on the present and the future rather than the past. Even if there are problems in the family, what is done is done, if there is a deficiency, it will be completed, but it is only possible to achieve this in the future, there is no point in looking back and getting upset."
Strong social relationships provide life satisfaction
"One of the most fundamental findings of positive psychology is that strong social relationships have a great impact on the life satisfaction of individuals," Demirsoy said, adding, "Contrary to popular belief, research findings have shown that income level and material well-being have little effect on psychological well-being. According to the positive psychology approach, the main thing is to find happiness in small things and to capture positive moments and emotions by knowing the value of what you have. Even if something is not going well in life, it is of great value to have family, relatives and friends who take care of you and to whom you are connected."
Supportive relationships are a condition for happiness
Pointing out that research shows that people who are married and have strong family ties are happier, healthier and more prosperous, Demirsoy said: "Having supportive relationships is a condition for happiness and such relationships require effort and time. Therefore, we should take care to devote energy and time to strengthen family and kinship ties. And again, one should strive to be part of a social environment that supports oneself and one's family. Feeling part of a group, "belonging" makes you feel good. Problems should be shared. Everyone needs to talk and be listened to. Establishing and developing healthy relationships can only be achieved through open communication and a positive outlook on things."
Listen to these suggestions
Çiğdem Demirsoy stated that since it is inevitable that differences of opinion, disagreements and conflicts arise in interpersonal relationships, these are also experienced in the family and listed her suggestions as follows:
"Focus on solutions, not problems: If we want to approach family conflicts from the perspective of positive psychology, we should focus on solutions, not problems, and try new ways instead of insisting on the solutions we have tried so far and which have not worked. For example, a positive approach is to explore and encourage situations where problems do not occur.
Set the stage for cooperation: Even a child who is always misbehaving and disobedient, or a spouse who is always angry and ready to fight, has moments of cooperation and harmony. Even if there are not, it is possible to prepare the ground for this. But in order to create this ground, it is important to get rid of the all-nothing perspective, to value small steps, to focus on the present and the near future instead of focusing on a big goal in the distant future, and to appreciate and reward small changes.
Pay attention to the language we use: In order to stay in a positive, problem-solving perspective, it is important to pay attention to the language we use and to use words correctly. The language we use depends on our perspective and it is important to remember that the source of our troubles and sorrows is not external but internal. Therefore, we should not confuse facts with our interpretations.
Aim to develop their strengths: It is difficult to overcome family problems when we are characterized as a naughty, lazy child or a grumpy spouse. Instead of correcting the mistakes of our family members, our goal should be to reveal their potential or to develop their strengths. When there is a problematic situation in relationships or individuals in the family, the general approach, even psychologists, tend to focus on problem behaviors. For example, the focus is on problem behaviors such as eliminating the child's misbehavior, tantrums, or stopping fights between family members. However, the positive psychology approach suggests that instead of stopping the problem behavior, we should find ways to encourage the opposite, desirable behavior. This again requires spending time together and being in a relationship. Positive psychology focuses more on positive emotions and the person's strengths rather than their shortcomings. Recognizing one's strengths, creating the ground for them to emerge and finding solutions to encourage them is only possible by spending time together.
The amount of time spent together is also important: There is a saying that has become a cliché in recent years; "it is not the duration of the time spent together, but its quality". However, according to the positive psychology approach, the quality as well as the quantity of time spent together in the family is important. Quality time is when family members pay undivided attention to each other. This is of course important, but it should not be limited to a few minutes. The more time family members spend with each other and parents with their children, the better. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, not everyone has the luxury of spending a lot of time with their family, but this time can be created if desired. In this respect, family meals together are an important time to be together. Sitting at the table together and taking care to eat meals together helps to ensure both duration and quality. In a study conducted in the USA, it was observed that children who eat with their families get better grades, are less likely to smoke, drink alcohol or use substances, and have better relationships with their parents and siblings. Sitting at the table with the family contributes both to creating a family culture and to family members getting to know each other and strengthening their bonds. However, in order to make good use of this time and make it quality, distracting stimuli such as television should be avoided. Turn off the TV and linger at the table as much as possible to make this time, which can be a long time to spend with your family, a quality time.
Don't neglect your family: Having goals in life, taking care of one's work, fulfilling one's responsibilities are all important in terms of the positive psychology approach, but the same approach says that one should not neglect oneself and one's family while doing these things, and that one should not forget to spend quality time together. In many families, problematic issues such as what needs to be done, the responsibilities of the roles, the children's studies are the focus of the relationship. However, quality time spent with the family is a time when the family bonds together. There are many activities to enjoy together: playing games, going to the movies, going on vacation, even cooking and cleaning together. All this will contribute to strengthening and deepening family bonds. Meeting the family's physical needs is not enough. You can buy your children the best clothes and toys, send them to the best schools, furnish your home with the best furniture, but this will not be enough to create a happy and peaceful home environment. A peaceful family environment should be the goal, not a perfect home, spouse and children. This is only possible with a positive perspective and a solution-oriented approach, not a problem-oriented approach."