Does marriage kill love? While everything is going well until couples sign the marriage register, what happens when this excitement gives way to silence after a while?
Actually, the answer is very simple: It is not marriage that kills love, but the monotonous life of the spouses. Marriages that cannot get out of the daily routine cause the parties to move away from each other.
Ihsan Öztekin, Specialist Clinical Psychologist from Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital, gave important information on love and marriage, special for February 14, Valentine's Day. Giving the formula of long-lasting love, Öztekin explained what to do in relationships and ways to get rid of monotony.
Give up the possessive instinct
Emphasizing that the boundaries of commitment and freedom should be well defined, Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin said, "The formula 'You are mine, I am yours' is the most effective formula that ends the relationship. Relationship is not a place of condemnation. Each individual should realize themselves in their relationships and continue their relationship as themselves." Underlining that change and development are inevitable in relationships as in all life, Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin said, "Being able to show the ability to adapt to new situations without being stuck in the past makes the relationship healthier and longer. Ask 'How are you? Ask how he/she is and be interested in how he/she really feels. Shared tastes are important. Create and develop areas of shared pleasure. Psychological research shows that the relationships of couples who do not have common tastes are not long-lasting."
Do not spend all your time together
Ihsan Öztekin, an Expert Clinical Psychologist, said that people making time for themselves will nourish their relationships, "Spend a lot of time together, but don't be together all the time. Making time for yourself also nourishes the relationship. Thus, you will miss each other, you can find more things to talk about and share" and continued his words as follows: "If there is love, respect and loyalty in the relationship, trust is built. You cannot be with someone you do not love for a long time. You cannot love someone you do not respect. Trust cannot be one-sided, both parties must trust each other. Sexuality should not be neglected. The best transmission of love is sexuality. The approach to sexuality as 'it is okay if it happens or not' will be reflected in the relationship as dissatisfaction. The best way to ensure sexual harmony is to talk openly about it. Do not turn the relationship into an ego battle. You are not rivals and your arguments are not races to be won. You went 3-0 up in the argument, but your relationship is over. Get over it."
As jealousy increases, the duration of the relationship decreases
Expert Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin said, "Jealousy is not a criterion of love. The judgment that 'people who love are jealous' is wrong." Stating that the duration of the relationship decreases as jealousy increases, Öztekin said, "Jealous people are people who love themselves more and have insufficient self-confidence. As jealousy increases, the duration of the relationship decreases."
Do not blame your spouse
Emphasizing that couples blaming each other brings the end of the relationship, Expert Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin said, "Do not label your spouse as 'You are this, you are that'. Do not criticize excessively. Do not humiliate. If these are present, it means the end of the relationship is in sight. Do not compare your partner with other people and your relationship with other relationships. Appreciate your partner and enjoy your relationship. Don't expect him/her to read your thoughts. Your partner will not understand your troubles by themselves. He/she cannot read your mind. Don't accuse your partner of lack of understanding without telling them how you feel. What you need to do is to tell your partner what you feel," he said.
There is a lack of communication in every relationship with monotony problem
Expert Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin drew attention to the need to increase communication between couples. Underlining that there is a lack of communication in every relationship with monotony problems, Öztekin said, "Couples who talk to each other on the basis of open, sincere and honest communication take the biggest step to save the relationship from monotony. Stop constantly expecting something from the other party. Relationship requires mutual labor. If you only expect the other party to take care of you and respect you, you will not take the slightest step to revitalize the relationship. Don't wait for a special day to buy a gift. It doesn't have to be expensive. Happiness can be in the small details. By doing this, you will have the chance to tell your partner again that you know what they like, how well you know them and how much you value them."
Aren't you tired of seeing each other in sweatpants and shorts at home?
"Take more care of yourself," Öztekin warned, "Even if it's not every day, when you have dinner at home, the man can sit at the table in a shirt and the woman can sit at the table with her make-up freshened up. Then tell each other how beautiful you are, it is not difficult at all."
If you realize that you are doing the same things all the time, do different activities
İhsan Öztekin, Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin, who emphasized the importance of doing different activities, listed his recommendations as follows:
"Develop hobbies for two that you can do together. For example, you can play games for two such as chess, backgammon, complete puzzles, play scrable, or even make models. You can enrich these according to your interests. It is both fun and an opportunity to do something alone. The important thing is to do something together. Spice up your sex life. Be more creative sexually. In bed or out of bed. Don't be afraid to talk about it with your partner. Use fantasies to add excitement to your relationship. Spend weekends differently. Take surprise trips, get away somewhere without making long plans during the week. Do sports and exercise together. Cycling is the most enjoyable way to do sports together. At the weekend, you can go to the beach or a forest with food and drinks in a backpack. Set 'TV off days'. This gives you an average of 4 hours to spend more special time together. Unplug the TV and start an extraordinary life together."