The feeling of jealousy in children causes problems in the development of the child if it is not managed well. Stating that the basis of this emotion is usually the fear of losing maternal love, experts emphasized the importance of parental behavior in the development of the child and stated that it is especially important for the mother to prepare other children for this situation before the child is born.
Clinical Psychologist Esma Uygun from Üsküdar University NP Feneryolu Medical Center made important evaluations about sibling jealousy in children.
Jealousy should be managed well
Emphasizing that although the feeling of jealousy seen in children with the addition of a new baby to the family is natural, it can lead to problems in the development of the child if it is not managed well, Uygun said, "The basis of jealousy in children is usually the fear of losing maternal love. The behavior of parents and caregivers towards the child with sibling jealousy and how they manage jealousy is important for the development of the child." Uygun pointed out the importance of the mother preparing the other children for this situation by informing them before the child is born.
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Guilt reinforces jealousy and rivalry!
Esma Uygun said, "In cases of sibling jealousy, the mother's anxiety, anger, and delaying this situation may cause the child to be more anxious" and added, "Children are more sensitive than adults in recognizing and making sense of their mother's feelings. It is important for the mother to manage her own anxiety in this situation. For example, if the mother reflects her concern that the child will harm his/her sibling verbally or behaviorally, it usually creates guilt and anger in the child. This reinforces feelings of jealousy and competition. For this reason, the mother should manage the situation calmly, without being accusatory and punitive."
"When a new sibling comes home, this can be considered the beginning of a fight for the throne"
Stating that good management of jealousy, which is a natural emotion, is very important for the development of the child, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Esma Uygun said, "When the new sibling comes home, this can be considered the beginning of the fight for the throne." and continued her words as follows:
"Along with the fear of losing what they have, the child also experiences the fear of losing the perception that they are special and important. Until the age of 12, children think that their mother will not love them or will love them less because of their sibling. After the age of 12, a more accurate reasoning takes place. If the mother can manage this process well, this is an important gain for the children.
Give your children the opportunity to solve their problems
Children will experience these and similar problems in real life. Parents should tolerate minor jealousies and observe the child to solve the problem. Children should be given the opportunity to solve behavioral problems related to competition and jealousy. Only when the problem reaches a point where it cannot be solved should adults intervene.
Time devoted to the newborn hurts the adult emotionally!
Parents naturally have to pay more attention to the newborn. If the first child has been accustomed to too much attention, the arrival of a new sibling can be much more challenging. When spending time with the newborn, the older child should not be emotionally neglected and quality time should be spent with him/her. Even 20 minutes is very effective if quality time is spent. It is also important not to break old routines when a new baby arrives. For example, if you read a book together before going to sleep, giving up certain routines may create a feeling of abandonment and neglect in the child. In this case, they may become withdrawn or exhibit aggressive behavior. For this reason, routine activities at home should be continued as much as possible."
Do not send children to daycare centers before and after birth!
"It is necessary to create environments where children over the age of 3 will be with their peers, such as daycare centers," said Esma Uygun, "However, it is important that this does not coincide shortly before and after the birth of the new baby. The child who thinks that he/she has been removed from home with the arrival of the new baby may become withdrawn or exhibit aggressive behaviors."
Do not make comparisons between children!
Stating that the child can be asked for a little help in caring for the new baby, Uygun said, "You were like this when you were little. Look, you have grown up, you can eat your own food on your own. He will grow up and be able to do the same as you' and feedback can be given by showing photos of him when he was little."
Emphasizing that parents can reinforce sibling jealousy without realizing it, Esma Uygun stated that the child should not be entrusted with a sibling and concluded her words as follows:
"One of these is comparison. This negative reinforcement can lead to jealousy and competition. While buying a gift for the newborn baby, jokes like 'You are out of luck' to the other child increase anxiety in the child. When buying a gift for the newborn, the other child should not be forgotten."
