The semester break is just around the corner and students are excited about their report cards. Experts warn parents about the "report card reaction": "Excessive criticism and humiliation should be avoided while evaluating the report card." Stating that love based on success harms the child, experts say, "A child who is loved only for being well-behaved and successful learns that the only condition for being loved by others is success."
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Specialist Clinical Psychologist Duygu Barlas from Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital gave important advice before the upcoming semester break.
Harsh criticism and humiliation harm
Stating that the most important issue that parents should pay attention to when looking at their children's report cards is not to criticize their children excessively, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Duygu Barlas said, "Excessive criticism and humiliation, which we often see in success-oriented parents, negatively affect the mental health of children and young people. It can cause young people, especially those in the "adolescence" period, to experience conflict with their parents and cause family members to move away from each other."
Do not label your child!
Stating that no matter what the result of the report card is, parents should not overreact and should not label their child as "Nothing will come of you, you are a failure", Barlas said, "It is important not only not to overdo it in the face of not good enough report cards, but also not to overdo it and not to buy expensive gifts in return for the report cards that are described as good by the mother and father. A heartwarming sentence, a small gift or a family outing will be enough to reward the individual."
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Love based on success is damaging
Emphasizing that the child's greatest need, the need to be "loved", which can even affect their relationships in adulthood, should be met correctly by their parents, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Duygu Barlas said, "Mothers and fathers should love their children without any conditions and show this love verbally or behaviorally in a dose that is not excessive. It is important that you love the child not because he is successful, skilled or talented, but only because he is himself. A child who is loved only because he/she is well-behaved and successful learns that the only condition for being loved by others depends on success. This situation causes the person to feel worthless and insignificant in the following years and leads to many psychiatric diseases."
Report card results should be evaluated together
Stating that parents should investigate the reasons together with their children instead of criticizing or judging when looking at the report cards whose results are not good enough, Duygu Barlas said:
"The child's attention deficit, emotional problems during the year, risky friendships, family problems or a psychological disorder may have caused this situation. Attention deficit factor, which is usually revealed after a good and comprehensive clinical screening, causes many students to perform below expectations. Instead of focusing on report card results, parents should closely observe their children and try to understand the processes that the child and family have gone through during the whole academic year. It is also important to seek professional help where necessary."
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Every child is special
Noting that it is important for parents to observe their children closely in order to recognize and understand them, Duygu Barlas said, "Every child is special and may have unique advanced skills. While some children may have advanced skills in math, others may have advanced skills in athletics. All skills of the child should be observed from an early age, and small interventions should be made for the skills that need to be supported. They should also be supported in terms of better developed skills."
