Do you have a baby who won't get off your lap!
Üsküdar University NP Feneryolu Polyclinic Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Specialist Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Başak AYIK answered your questions about babies being held all the time.
IS IT WRONG TO HOLD BABIES ALL THE TIME? IS THERE ANY TRUTH TO THE SAYING THAT BABIES GET USED TO BEING HELD?
Many parents start to investigate what is right and wrong for their babies from the moment they learn that they are expecting a baby. They even reconsider routine behaviors and habits that they never questioned or examined in daily life. Although this is a good mental process that we want to see in sensitive and caring parents, it can sometimes reach extreme levels and lead parents to intense anxiety.
One of the most basic needs of a newborn baby is to be 'held'. While he/she has been feeling safe in the womb for a long time, with the moment of birth, he/she is in an effort to adapt to the outside world and a new life. Especially in the first periods following the baby's arrival, both parents and baby are trying to get used to their parents. While the parents are trying to understand when the baby will sleep, when the baby will wake up and what crying means, the baby is trying to understand to what extent the parents will support him/her and whether his/her needs will be met - in other words, whether he/she can "trust his/her parents".
In the first years after the birth of the baby, and especially in the first 3 years, mother and baby are like mirrors of each other. If the baby does not have a special developmental problem, the solution to the problem seen in the baby or child should definitely include the personal evaluations of the mother and father, parental communication and parental attitudes. For example, if a mother with a very high level of anxiety is unable to calm down, this anxiety will be reflected in her relationship with her baby. The child, who shapes his/her reactions by looking at his/her mother, will learn to be anxious. For this reason, the parent must first learn to calm their own anxiety and learn to be calm.
Again, an important point to keep in mind is that each individual's temperament is unique. Rather than general questions and general answers, it is best to evaluate each individual and each baby individually and to determine solutions under the current conditions.
Babies need parental warmth and help to feel safe, especially in the newborn period. They express all their needs by crying. The parent's task here is to understand what the baby needs (hunger, desire for contact, desire for comfort, etc.) and to provide the stimulus it needs. Sometimes your baby may even cry just to smell you. You can hold your crying baby to calm and comfort him/her. The real problem is the behavior of holding the baby for hours rather than hugging. After you have calmed your baby down and met his/her needs, you can put your baby back.
Holding the baby for hours at every reaction of the baby, without understanding what the baby wants, causes the baby to get used to the hug and not learn to calm down.
The need to be held also varies according to the age of the baby. Especially newborn babies want more frequent contact because they have just come out of the womb and are trying to adapt to the outside world and their new life. He wants to smell the mother's scent. This way they feel safe. This need decreases over time in a healthy attachment behavior. Especially after the age of 2, you can gradually reduce holding behavior. Because cognitively-mentally you can make your baby feel secure verbally and through other forms of physical contact. In this way, your baby also learns to calm itself.
In summary, don't hesitate to hold your baby, feel his/her warmth and show your love to him/her. But let him/her learn to calm himself/herself down too.