Üsküdar University NP Etiler Medical Center Child Adolescent Psychiatry Specialist Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel made evaluations regarding the anxieties and psychological problems that children may experience during the divorce process.
Stating that the divorce process may increase children's anxiety, experts point out that psychological problems may arise in children during this period. Experts recommend explaining the divorce decision clearly to the child and emphasize that the child should never be told "We made this decision for your sake". Experts remind that "The most important determinant of how much the child will be affected is the well-being of the parents".
Üsküdar University NP Etiler Medical Center Child Adolescent Psychiatry Specialist Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel made evaluations regarding the anxieties and psychological problems that children may experience during the divorce process.
As the stress is tolerated, the child's adaptation process becomes easier...
Stating that the frequency of divorce is increasing today and the majority of these divorces are seen in families with children, Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel said, "Divorce may cause one parent to be seen less, the old order of the child to be disrupted, and sometimes an economic difference. For this reason, divorce can be a painful process for the child and all other family members. In fact, some parents find it difficult to empathize with their child due to their own pain and cannot pay attention to their child's feelings. In families where this stress can be tolerated more easily, the child's adaptation process becomes easier."
Do not say "We made this decision for your sake"!
Stating that it is reported that in families where the process is well managed, the mental conditions of children are similar to those of children in non-divorced families, Yüksel emphasized that, on the contrary, children who live with their parents and grow up in a conflicted and restless family environment are more likely to be affected mentally. Yüksel warned, "For this reason, the decision to divorce should not be left to the children, and it should not be said 'because you wanted it' or 'we made this decision for your sake' after the divorce."
Mother and father's "well-being" affects the child
Mine Elagöz Yüksel stated that the reactions of children may vary according to their age and that it would be natural to see some symptoms such as grief-like reactions, disappointment, mood changes, irritability, fears, difficulty in following the rules, course failure, sleep and appetite irregularities. Yüksel said, "Children's efforts and dreams to reunite their parents should be equally natural, but they should be given clear and correct answers. The most important determinant of how much the child will be affected is the well-being of the parents. Some parents experience mental difficulties such as depression and anxiety disorders during and after the divorce process."
The decision should be explained to the child in a clear language
Stating that parents should explain their decision to the child in a clear language when they feel ready, Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel said, "It should be remembered that the child always needs to hear the truth from the first person. The child should be told that this decision is not about them and that they love them very much. Children cannot fully grasp what awaits them and may feel insecure. During this process, parents should explain to the child what awaits them in a language they can understand. For example, 'you will stay with your mother but you can go to your father on these days', 'you will have a room at your father's house', 'you will attend the same school', 'this is what will happen on holidays'. It is very important for the child that promises are kept, such as times to see the other parent. If the child wants to talk about it or ask questions, they should be listened to and answered."
Never blame and denigrate the other party
Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mine Elagöz Yüksel emphasized that the ideal situation in uncontested divorces is that the child should be able to see his/her mother and father without restrictions, and if not possible, he/she should be able to talk on the phone frequently:
"It is valuable for both parents to be able to make important decisions about the child together, such as which school to start, which doctor to see. For this reason, it is necessary for parents to be in communication about issues related to the child. 'Tell your mother this when you go' communication through the child will cause difficulties for the child. In addition, it is important that the parents do not denigrate the other parent in his/her absence and avoid accusatory statements about the divorce. In such cases, the child may feel that he/she has to take one side or the other. Parents should not hesitate to seek the support of a psychiatrist at points where they feel that they have difficulties in this traumatic process both for themselves and for their children. "
