Images of young people who fall into the trap of drugs make the society uneasy. Families who learn that their children are using drugs experience many emotions such as anger, shame, guilt, resentment and anxiety.
Experts point out that these emotions often have a detrimental effect on the treatment process. For this reason, families should first act calmly!
Üsküdar University Faculty Member, NPISTANBUL Hospital Psychiatry Specialist Assoc. Prof. Dr. Gül Eryılmaz pointed out the importance of families' attitudes in the fight against substance addiction.
Stating that the question that families often ask in the treatment part is "How should I treat my relative?", Assoc. Prof. Dr. Gül Eryılmaz said that this question should be answered separately for two periods.
The family should be cold-blooded in the fight against addiction!Assoc. Prof. Dr. Gül Eryılmaz said the following:
1-How should I treat my relative when I first learned about addiction?
"When families learn about their relatives' substance or alcohol use, they may think, 'How could he do this to us, where did we make a mistake, there must be something wrong, he is not the kind of person who would do this, or if someone hears about it, we will be disgraced to everyone'. These thoughts cause families to experience intense and difficult emotions such as anger, guilt, anxiety and shame. These emotions are natural and cannot be controlled.
KEEP A COOL HEAD
The intense emotions experienced by families during the addiction process affecting their behavior towards their relatives often have a detrimental effect on treatment. For this reason, families should first of all act calmly without reflecting their emotions such as anger, guilt, shame and anxiety on their behavior."
CLEAR RULES SHOULD BE SET AND SANCTIONS SHOULD BE APPLIED
Stating that the cold-blooded and clear attitudes of the families will help the substance user to decide to quit substance use by creating the idea that his/her use is not approved and that he/she will experience problems if he/she continues, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Gül Eryılmaz said, "For this, instead of having frequent discussions with the person, families should set clear rules and apply predetermined sanctions in case these rules are not followed. If the person does not experience a problem related to their use, they will not want to quit the substance they are using."
DO NOT TRY TO HIDE THE RESULTS
Assoc. Prof. Dr. Gül Eryılmaz stated that trying to hide the negative consequences of use because "What if the environment hears and my relative is disgraced" will make the situation worse and said, "Families who solve school absenteeism on behalf of the person who uses substances, call their boss for their relative who does not go to work and give excuses, pay their bills by saying that they will be without electricity if their bills are not paid, and give pocket money because they do not go to work, actually cause their relatives to continue their use without realizing it. What we often tell families with these behaviors is that there is no change without need. If the person does not have problems with their use, they will never feel the need to quit."
2- My relative quit the substance, how should I act now?
Pointing out that addiction is a recurrent disease, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Gül Eryılmaz said that the support of the family is important after the person quits the substance.
Eryılmaz stated the following:
"A person can start using again for many reasons after quitting. The only factor affecting relapse is the motivation of the person. Motivation is not constant. It can decrease or increase over time. A person with high motivation to quit may quit the substance, but over time, his/her motivation may decrease for many reasons such as thinking that he/she has difficulty in life without alcohol/substances, experiencing problems in his/her relationships and may start using again. Therefore, the family's approach and the quality of their relationship with the person during the withdrawal process will help to keep this motivation high. Families have the most difficulty in this period. Many families think that their relatives who have stopped using will not use again, that the thought of using alcohol and drugs has completely ended, and that there will never be such a thought again. Unfortunately, this is a big misconception. What we often emphasize to families during this period is that it is not what you say, but how you say it."
THE MOST DIFFICULT SITUATIONS FOR FAMILIES
Assoc. Prof. Dr. Gül Eryılmaz listed the situations that families have the most difficulty in coping with during this period under the main headings as follows
"After a long time, the family sees that their relative is using drugs/alcohol: In this situation, families experience intense disappointment and anger. They think that the whole treatment is over and they are back to square one. When they convey these thoughts and feelings to their relatives, the conversation often ends in an argument. In such a situation, we recommend that they try to understand their relatives instead of arguing with them. A more constructive solution would be to first congratulate the relative for not having used for a long period of time and then to ask them why they feel the need to use again.
Family suspecting substance/alcohol use: Many families worry that their relatives will relapse at any time after they stop using alcohol/substances. Anxiety is normal, but when they express these suspicions in a judgmental or accusatory manner, it often leads to arguments with their relatives. Often, after these discussions, the person may think that they are not trusted and may consider returning to use. If families suspect their relatives of substance use, it would be more appropriate for them to express these concerns in a non-judgmental and non-accusatory manner.
The family is threatened that they will use drugs/alcohol again if their wishes are not met: If families think that their relatives frequently threaten them about substance/alcohol use, two points should be considered: If the person threatens the family about use, it may be thought that the person's motivation to quit is not complete. Therefore, a possible use is not due to the family not doing the behavior mentioned, but because the motivation of the person has already decreased. A second point is that this situation shows that the family cares more about the use than the person himself/herself. This can lead to the person not taking responsibility for quitting and using again after a while. In such a situation, it is recommended that the family responds to threats calmly, rejects the person's requests in an appropriate language and emphasizes that the decision to use is their own.
A family with a relative who wants to stop treatment/medication and wants to drink on my special day: Finally, another issue frequently experienced by families is when their relatives say that they want to end their medication use, doctor's appointments, or request use on special occasions such as birthdays, weddings or New Year's Eve. In these cases, families' anxiety increases. And they give answers and promises to their relatives that are not their responsibility. Both the family who says "Use it once and never use it again" and the family who says "No, you can never use it" are wrong. Answering these questions leads to unnecessary arguments with the person who is using and causes them to spoil their relationship. Whether the person will use again after quitting, how long they will take their medication or how long the treatment will last are decisions to be made by the treatment team. Families' comments on these issues negatively affect the treatment and the cessation process. In such a situation, it is the most appropriate approach to ask the families to ask this question to the treatment team by saying that they do not have the right to comment on this issue with a clear attitude."