Üsküdar University Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan gave important information about child abuse, which has recently been on Turkey's agenda, and how children can be protected against possible dangers.
It should be taught in the period after toilet training
Stating that the perception of privacy should be given to children after they start walking, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan drew attention to the following points: "The child's body has special areas. In order to avoid a negative connotation in the child, 'Look, no one but you will touch the areas where your underwear are. Even we will not touch those parts of your body without your permission' and this should be taught to the child gradually after he/she starts to walk. The period after toilet training is more important. When the child starts to hold the toilet, it means that control mechanisms are developing in the child. This can be taught to the child. Especially when they start school, we practice the ability to say 'No' when they are exposed to such a situation. "It is necessary to give serious education to the child to say 'No' to someone who wants to touch their body, even if they are a first-degree relative."
Before sexual abuse, the child has 4 other forms of neglect and abuse
Stating that sexual abuse in every child is actually a result, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said that before sexual abuse, there are 4 more neglect and abuse in the child: "Emotional neglect, emotional abuse, physical neglect and physical abuse. In the sexual abuse studies conducted, abuse over these four is usually 60%-70% within the family, among the relatives of the child. If there is physical abuse to the child from the same house, from the same family, that is, if the child is beaten, scolded, if a cigarette is put out on the child, if things are done to make the child suffer physically, or if there is physical neglect; for example, when the child comes home, there is no food, there is no one at home when he comes home from school, he is hungry, or he does not receive any help in changing his clothes. These are also physical neglect. Not meeting the emotional needs of the child, playing with their emotions, ignoring them at home, humiliating them, always criticizing them, always scolding them, always saying bad words, these are emotional abuse. Emotional neglect; the child has emotional needs. In other words, just as the stomach's body needs protein and carbohydrates, the child's developing soul needs love, respect and attention."
Children are subjected to abandonment without distance in the family
Emphasizing that children experience "abandonment without distance" even though they live in the same house within the family, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "In other words, the person is in the same house, in the same environment, but some mothers only feed and drink the child and then give themselves to cleaning. She deals with other issues or if she is working, she gives herself to work. The child is physically in the same environment, but there is an emotional distance between the parents and the child. In such cases, there is emotional neglect. These children are candidates for mental disorders in the future. A child living in such an environment sometimes has relatives who are anti-social, that is, who are capable of crime, for example, if there is a relative who uses alcohol, they should not be in the same room with the child. If there is a relative who has had legal problems, if there is someone who has often been to the police station and says this easily, or if there is someone in the family who is interested in sexuality, for example, porn; if there is someone in the family who collects erotic materials at home, if you leave the child in the same environment with this person, it means handing the child over with your own hands. A causal relationship between erotic and pornographic materials and sexual offenses was reported by the US Attorney General's Office. Some people opposed it, but it is accepted that there is a causal link between sexual violence and pornographic-erotic materials. Therefore, people who are interested in these subjects are potentially risky. In other words, they are reasonable suspects. Children should not be in the same environment with these people. Even if it is someone from the family, even if it is a brother, even if it is a father, if a father is interested in pornographic materials, the mother will not leave the child in the same room. This is not a simple situation. So we have to protect the child, the same applies to the mother," he warned.
Safe behavior needs to be taught to the child and family members
Stating that the child should be taught to shout, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said that safe behavior should be taught to the child and the family and continued his words as follows: "If someone from the family has joked with him/her before and has engaged in certain behaviors, it is not safe behavior for him/her to stay in the same environment with that person. It is necessary to provide a safe environment. But most importantly, we cannot manage other guests or close relatives, but we can give our own children the skills to do so. Teaching this is much more important than in the past. Especially in developed societies, in Western societies, sexual crimes have increased a lot. Sexual violence has increased. Child harassment has increased a lot. On top of that, even if you love the child of someone you don't know on the street, they can arrest you immediately for sexual offenses. Such laws have been passed. Why is this? There needs to be more social sensitivity on issues related to sexuality. The state needs to create sensitivity. In this regard, the crime rate related to sexuality between men and women applies to both sides. Women or men should not be victimized only in this regard. Both sides can be victims. It doesn't matter whether it's girls or boys."
How should families approach sexually abused children?
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "If there is a change in the behavior, temperament and personality of the child who has been sexually abused, if the child is afraid to go to the bathroom, for example, if he is afraid to be alone in the room, or if he is afraid of someone touching his butt, that is, if he has such strange, unexplained behaviors, there is a possibility that there is a trauma for that child." Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Here, that child is not asked directly. Generally, the area where the child can express himself best is the game. During a game, toys are arranged for him, various games are put, and the child begins to imitate the behavior he experiences during the game. In other words, he/she brings something close to himself/herself, to his/her genitals, does something, and then you realize that this child has a problem with sexuality. Generally, children before the age of 5 do not have the concept of sexuality, they do not know the concept of shame and sin. This situation of the child can be solved through this game. The child even plays a sexual behavior game during the game that a child of that age should not know. He can take a baby boy and a baby girl and make them do sexual behavior. When he does this, it is not possible for the child to learn this on television by himself. In the family, either the parents' bedroom door was open and the child saw this, or the child was subjected to such a practice; it is necessary to investigate. For this reason, the child does not forget what he or she imagines. He cannot express it, but he lives in his own imagination. This can be understood during play. After they understand, these children usually have PTSD. They have re-experiences about this event. In such cases, families need to make this child feel that he/she is not alone, a more qualified relationship with that child is needed, what can be a qualified relationship instead of a 'feed, drink, leave aside' kind of relationship? In other words, a relationship where there is eye contact with that child, a relationship where they play together, if there is a feeling like 'My parents love me, they care about me', the child can solve such a trauma. It can turn an unresolved trauma into a resolved one. Because in some cases there is an inevitable traumatic experience."
Specialist help is needed if the child shows symptoms
"Specialist help may be needed if the child cries, fears, has learned to control urine, pee, urine, but starts wetting himself again, shows fears in situations he was not afraid of before," Tarhan said, adding, "In such cases, there are various projective tests. These tests can catch the conflicts in his inner world by projecting them and take him to therapy. Generally, play therapies work. Family therapy is practiced and it works. Even if a child experiences such a trauma, it does not mean that they will carry it for the rest of their lives. Research shows that one third of the society has such traumatic experiences and most people solve it in a loving environment, if the social support, emotional support is good, and bury it in the subconscious like burying it in the historical wastebasket and does not harm it. The social support of the family and the psychological support of the parents is important here, but if it is not enough, the help of a specialist is sought from a child psychiatrist. In some cases, it may even be necessary to take medication."
How can children over 5 years old understand this situation?
Stating that in children over 5 years of age, verbal expression and emotional expression have gradually begun, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "If there is a relationship of trust between the child and the therapist or the person who can do it, who can provide social support, pedagogical support, if there is a relationship of trust between the therapist and the person who can provide social support and pedagogical support, the child can open the emotions that he suppressed and feared after a while. But if this can turn into a judicial situation, if there is a judicial problem, if someone in the family has committed sexual neglect and abuse, these are already situations that are mandatory to report in our current laws. In other words, if such an incident is witnessed, it is necessary to be sensitive about initiating legal action. Because a person who sexually abuses a defenseless and unprotected child is a criminal machine. So this person must be made to pay a price somehow. It is necessary to experience the natural result and cost of the behavior. For this reason, such people should not be forgiven within the family."
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that siblings should sleep in different beds and warned, "Even if siblings sleep in the same rooms, the beds must be separate and the perception of privacy must be taught."