Those who are looking for the ideal partner in marriage or those who think they have not found their ideal partner, do not worry. According to experts, it is not right to expect to find an equal and compatible spouse in marriage in every aspect.
Çiğdem Demirsoy, an expert clinical psychologist from Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital, said that it is not right for couples to look for a hundred percent compatible spouse for marriage. Pointing out that it is not right to expect two people to be equal and compatible in every respect, Demirsoy said:
"No two people are the same, so in marriage, two people cannot be expected to be equal and compatible in every aspect. The ideal spouse should not be perceived as a person who has the same characteristics. Each person has a unique perception of marriage, expectations from his/her spouse within the framework of this perception, and certain characteristics that he/she wants to see in the person he/she chooses as his/her spouse. The more compatible the perceptions of marriage and the qualities that the spouses want to see in their spouses are, the more common values they have, the closer they are to the ideal. However, when choosing a spouse, it is not possible to find someone who fits one hundred percent. The higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment when differences arise.
DIFFERENCE OF OPINION IS NORMAL, COMMON GROUND SHOULD BE SOUGHT
Noting that it is wrong to expect couples to agree with each other on everything, Demirsoy said that things can be viewed differently, but the important thing is to meet at common points. Noting that sometimes different perspectives can lead to conflict and polarization between couples and put the marriage in a deadlock, Demirsoy continued as follows: "We can say that in conflicted, deadlocked relationships, couples often get stuck in this kind of perspective. In order to resolve conflicts in relationships, both parties need to be able to step outside their own perspectives. When you believe that only your own opinion is right and create rules in the relationship, even conflicts on the simplest issues can turn into unsolvable problems. When partners are flexible enough to step outside their own ideas in order to understand each other's point of view, they can find a third option where both parties can find a middle ground. It may not always be possible to meet in the middle, but at least making an effort to understand each other without trying to impose their own ideas on each other ensures the preservation of harmony in the relationship."
GOOD COMMUNICATION SUSTAINS MARRIAGE
Noting that harmony and good communication between couples is the factor that ensures the continuity of relationships rather than love and affection, Demirsoy said that if good communication cannot be established in marriages that start with love and affection, this wears out the love: "Although love provides the initial attraction between two people, feelings of love and commitment continue to develop only in a good relationship where effective communication can be established. In long-term relationships, couples cannot be expected to experience positive emotions all the time, there will naturally be ups and downs in emotions when conflicts arise in problem situations. If effective communication cannot be established to solve problems and ensure harmony in the relationship, it is likely that the emotional bonds between the couple will weaken over time and the relationship will break down."
SEXUAL HARMONY IS IMPORTANT
Noting that one of the important factors in marital harmony is sexual harmony, Demirsoy said that spouses will determine what should or should not be in their sexual lives by talking together, which can be achieved by establishing good communication. Stating that sexual harmony can be achieved when spouses tell each other their expectations in their sexual lives and meet at a common point, Demirsoy said that this is a period that will take time and effort. Demirsoy spoke as follows:
PROBLEMS AFFECT SEXUALITY!
"Research shows that sexual dysfunctions and marital problems are often seen together. However, the order of priority can be different, that is, sometimes problems in other areas of marriage affect sexual harmony, and sometimes problems in sexuality disrupt marital harmony. Good marital harmony does not prevent spouses from having sexual problems. Likewise, good sexuality does not necessarily mean that the whole marriage will go well. However, it is a fact that if the relationship between spouses is harmonious, sexual problems can be solved and sexual harmony can be achieved. Because problem solving is an important relationship building skill, therefore happiness in marriage and sexuality is related to the communication skills of couples.
SPOUSES SHOULD BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS!
For a healthy and happy sexual life, spouses should be able to talk about their problems, they should not hesitate to do so, and they should try to get to know both sexuality and each other by being informed about sexual issues. For the whole marriage to be healthy, both communication between spouses and sexuality should go smoothly, and problems in one area affect the other area. Sexuality is important in the marital relationship because part of the personality is sexual identity and for spiritual integrity, one's sexual needs must be met. Since sexuality is an experience that provides satisfaction and relaxation, satisfaction in this area contributes to the feelings of love, trust and commitment between spouses, and when positive emotions and commitment between spouses are complete, it is easier to solve problems in daily life."