Expert Clinical Psychologist Yıldız Burkovik says that pressures on couples to have a baby result in a negative response.
Starting a family and then having children is accepted as a "must-have obligation" by a large segment of society. Couples who are unable to have children may face pressure from people around them, especially relatives. Experts point out that having a child is only a matter of concern for the couple and that it should only be decided by the man and woman together, and that this oppressive situation negatively affects the psychological state of men and women.
In her presentation at the 7th National Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility Congress, Clinical Psychologist Yıldız Burkovik from Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital stated that couples who cannot have children by their own choice or for other reasons are subjected to intense environmental pressure in the society in general, and that this situation creates many negative effects on men and women.
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The decision to have a baby should be taken together
Stating that the basis of being a family is mutual trust, correct communication, love and respect, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Yıldız Burkovik pointed out that both parties should decide together in the process leading to having a child at the congress, which was attended by many academicians, including Prof. Dr. Yeşim Afşar Uncu from Uludağ University Faculty of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine.
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Burkovik said, "If couples are on the way to becoming parents - desired or unwanted pregnancy - feelings and thoughts should be discussed. Because becoming a parent is an important milestone. If it is desired and expected for both parties, there is a clearer planning for a healthy process and both individuals support each other. A child enables planning for the future and being together. In marriages that are not working, family elders or especially women think of a child as a fixer of the relationship. Many marriages continue to consist of unhealthy couples with children who have children for this reason only, and who do not separate so that the children are not affected, but who are expected to grow up and grow up. In many of them there is no respect and love left. However, the sine qua non of a relationship is respect and love."
They may feel excluded and labeled
Stating that couples who do not have children voluntarily or for other reasons can be judged by the society in general, especially by their close environment, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Burkovik said that this has very important effects on couples. Burkovik made the following evaluations: "These couples may feel excluded. Especially in situations where there are tribes and large families, not only not being able to have children, but also not giving birth to a male child is a humiliating situation. Being labeled as 'infertile woman' or 'infertile man' can cause more intense sadness. Especially women without children are affected by the challenging side of emotions, sometimes some emotions are overwhelming. Being compared, by others and by oneself, is challenging. For some people, not being able to have children can mean the sudden end of dreams that have developed since childhood. If there is nothing to replace it, it means that psychological disorders (anger, restlessness, irritability, anxiety, depression, etc.) appear and that they imprison themselves in these feelings. There may be anger, loss of control, crying spells, jealousy of those who have children, or thoughts of being punished. This causes intense stress. If a person's life is shallow, he or she will be affected a lot. If it is not important to cope with stress, it becomes a grief reaction over time and sometimes creates the effect of prolonged grief and if left untreated, negative consequences are seen."
If there is a strong ego, compensation mechanism should be activated!
Stating that women and men can activate the compensation mechanism if they have a strong ego, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Yıldız Burkovik said, "These people can replace self-pity, self-devaluation, feelings of being incomplete with many constructive things. Such as adoption, teaching, having a closer role as aunt or aunt, uncle or uncle. If the compensation mechanism is not working, it can lead to suicide attempts and the end of life. So much so that even in those who have children but go through menopause, similar feelings may occur that they will never have children again."
"When is the child?" question creates pressure
Pointing out that in a very large segment of the society, people make very important decisions about their own lives in line with the expectations of others, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Burkovik said: "Sometimes people live according to the expectations of others, not young couples, but those closest to them can decide when to marry, who to marry, when it is good to have children. People get married and the question 'When are you going to have children?' is asked almost at the handshake at the wedding. Some people consider it a duty. Sometimes married couples hesitate to go to visits, usually the first question is "When will you have children?". The important thing here is that couples decide together and have a common thought."