Speaking at the Mothers' Meeting, Üsküdar University Rector Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "In an environment where obedience is glorified, new and bright ideas do not emerge. "The "Mothers' Meeting" organized by Üsküdar University and NPISTANBUL Hospital European Representative Office, which was followed with interest, received an invitation from Munich, Germany after the Netherlands. Fathers also showed interest in the meeting organized by UETD Bayern Regional Women's Branches.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Rector of Üsküdar University, was the speaker of the meeting where the topic "How to Ensure Healthy Communication within the Family?" was discussed. Tarhan gave information about the problems experienced in the family and the solutions in the meeting, which was held in a chat environment with an intense participation.
Puberty is a branch of insanity
Stating that problems in the family are normal, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that these problems can be solved with warm relationships and said, "If the parents are the right example and role model, the problem is easily solved. Even if the child makes mistakes, he/she finds the right path. I was very surprised when I heard this Hadith: Puberty is a branch of insanity. Of course the child will make mistakes, they are prone to making mistakes. During this period, he asks himself who I am and where I should head. While doing all these, he controls the reactions of his mother and father."
Emphasizing the importance of family ties, Tarhan shared a memory he had years ago with the participants.
Stating that when he went to TRT to participate in a radio program, in a conversation with the former Belgian Ambassador, the Ambassador told him that the Belgian Prime Minister was very satisfied with Turkish citizens and that the reason for this was family ties, Tarhan summarized a study conducted by the University of Nebraska on happy families. Stating that according to the research, happy families have three characteristics, Tarhan listed them as follows: "Spending time together, abundant use of words of appreciation, approval and praise, democracy and participation."
Underlining that criticism such as 'What a child you are, you will not become a man, you will not make a village or a town' will lead to devaluation of the child's personality and lack of self-confidence, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said: "The child will say 'I am useless, I will not become a man anyway' and quit everything. Appreciation and praise should be for behavior and efforts, not for personality. Raising a child by loving his/her personality also leads to narcissism."
"It is a dictatorial approach to say that what I say must be my way"
Stating that democracy starts from the family, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, "It is necessary to be criticizable in the family, to be criticizable. Can children criticize their parents, can spouses criticize each other? If one of the spouses says that what I say must be my way, this is a dictatorial approach. If one person in the family has this dictatorial approach, fear prevails in other members. It creates an environment where obedience is glorified. In this environment, new and bright ideas do not emerge. When asked, they say everything is fine, everything is fine, but there are no new discoveries. There is no dedication, no progress. We fall into the position of someone who only appreciates."
There is no freedom where there is oppression
Tarhan continued his speech as follows: "Our Prophet has a saying: Husband and wife, be gracious to each other. He does not say this only to the man or the woman. Spending time together, using words of appreciation and praise. It keeps the family together. A study showed that 95% of mothers say no to their children. Forcing your own opinion is oppression. Where there is oppression, there is no freedom. For example, a child who wears the t-shirt you give him until puberty does not want to wear the clothes you give him when he enters puberty. So mother-child, father-child fights start. The problem can be solved as follows: 4 t-shirts are brought to the child and the child is asked which one do you want to wear? This way the child satisfies his/her sense of freedom and autonomy. And the mother does not lose control. Democracy starts from the family. The person who acts accordingly offers options instead of imposing his/her own opinion. Participation is important in family relations. Decisions need to be made together."
Nevin Tekin, President of UETD Bayern region Women's Branches, stated that they were very pleased with the meeting and said, "We would like to thank Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan for this beautiful informative presentation and everyone who contributed to the organization of the program. We were very pleased. We want it to continue."