The father, who plays a very important role in the development of children, is the symbol of trust for both boys and girls.
The relationship with the father determines many aspects of children's personality and sexual identity development, as well as the social roles they will play in the future. Experts listed 10 rules of being an ideal father.
İhsan Öztekin, an Expert Clinical Psychologist from Üsküdar University NPISTANBUL Hospital, stated that the role of the father has a very important place in the development of the child and noted that the father is the symbol of trust for both boys and girls.
SYMBOL OF TRUST FATHER
Öztekin stated that although the mother seems to be at the forefront of child development, fathers have a special importance for children: "Fathers also develop very strong bonds of love and affection with their children. Especially for boys, the father is a model that they identify with in their personality development. The father is a symbol of trust. The relationship with the father also plays a role in the development of the sexual identities of boys and girls in later years. Boys look up to and imitate their fathers to recognize their sexual identity. For girls, the father model gives clues about the opposite sex and their attitudes towards the opposite sex. While a caring father increases a girl's confidence in the opposite sex, the child's feeling of father's love and care also increases self-confidence."
FATHER IS DECISIVE IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHILD!
"The father is a bridge that establishes the family's relations with the society," İhsan Öztekin said, "Therefore, the father plays an important role in the child's social development and self-confidence. It is observed that children who have a healthy relationship with their fathers, who receive love and attention from their fathers, are at peace with themselves, successful at school, harmonious with their friends and have developed leadership qualities."
HARSH FATHER PERCEPTION AFFECTS THE CHILD'S PERSONALITY
Stating that there is no room for discussion in the harsh father model, where the father follows a restrictive and punitive attitude and warns his child to obey his rules and be respectful, İhsan Öztekin said, "Two types of children emerge in children growing up with a harsh father model. Children with a high sense of autonomy engage in power conflicts with the father, fight back, object. They develop a reverse identity. They take revenge on the father by adopting the opposite of the personality the father wants. The child who has no sense of autonomy and suppresses his/her emotions tries to be a mediator and always sacrifices himself/herself. He suppresses his emotions and his mental health deteriorates. The child of an authoritarian father who does not give his child enough attention and neglects him emotionally may develop sexual identity disorders, lack of self-confidence and an angry personality structure. If the child has the capacity to develop himself/herself, if he/she can communicate with the society in a healthy way, he/she can overcome this by correcting the mistakes made by the family."
WEAK FATHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP CAUSES RISKY BEHAVIORS
Stating that the first man in a girl's life is her father, İhsan Öztekin said, "The relationship between father and daughter also affects the child's view of the relationship between men and women in the future. Not only do they get to know men, but they also have the idea of how to choose a spouse. The quality of a daughter's relationship with her father plays a major role in the child's healthy psychological development. The presence of a father and his relationship with his child has a significant impact. A child with a weak father-daughter relationship is more likely to engage in risky behaviors such as depression, eating disorders, alcohol and substance abuse. In a healthy father-daughter relationship that creates a strong bond, the daughter continues her life as an individual with high self-confidence, who can express herself comfortably, has leadership qualities, can establish healthy relationships with the opposite sex, has a more positive outlook on life, and whose mental health does not deteriorate easily."
THE MALE CHILD IS THE MIRROR OF THE FATHER
Stating that the male child imitates the father and identifies with the father, İhsan Öztekin said, "For this reason, the most important rule in the father-boy relationship is not to forget that he is looking in the mirror while raising the male child. The male child is the mirror of the father. Therefore, the father should pay attention to his behavior first. There is always some competition in the father's relationship with his son. And competition sometimes leads to power struggles. What the father should pay attention to is not to take these power struggles personally and to act in accordance with the child's developmental period. Being able to empathize with his child, help him manage his emotions, control his anger and guide him in the right direction is very important in the relationship between father and son."
10 SUGGESTIONS FOR THE "IDEAL FATHER"
Expert Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin listed the 10 golden rules of being an ideal father as follows:
1 - Spend time together. Do not think of spending time together as just watching TV and chatting. Read age-appropriate books, tell stories, play games. Have hobbies you can do together. Make programs to spend the weekends together. Of course, take into account what your child might like. Regardless of the age difference, sharing is very important.
2 - Be the right model for your child. If you want your child to have the habit of reading books, you should read books too. You can set the right example by not using alcohol and cigarettes, not by telling them about the dangers of alcohol and cigarettes.
3 - Discipline with love. Be calm and fair in this regard. The guidance and discipline that children need should be provided with certain limits, not with punishment. Show your children the consequences of their behavior and reward positive behaviors.
4 - Help your child gain self-confidence. Make him/her feel that you love and value him/her. Praise him/her and express that you are proud of him/her. Do not hit him/her in the face when he/she makes mistakes and errors, be there to teach him/her the right way. Do not criticize in front of others. Encourage them by highlighting their positive aspects.
5 - Children need your love and they need you to make them feel it. In addition to verbal affection, physical closeness is also very important. Make physical contact, give them a hug. Being touched with affection is essential for children's physical and psychological development.
6 - Treat your child's mother with respect and love. Do not argue or fight in front of your child. Remember that children of a happy mother are healthy and happy.
7 - Give your child the opportunity to get to know you. For example, take them to your workplace. Tell them what you do, who you work with, what kind of experiences you have, your responsibilities.
8 - Be patient. Learning is a different process for each child. Even if it is difficult to teach, be patient and do not discourage them.
9 - If you cannot control yourself emotionally and show verbal and physical aggression, seek professional help. Your child and spouse should not be exposed to this type of behavior. This situation creates deep wounds in the child's psychology.
10 - The father's duty never ends. Even when children grow up and it is time for them to leave home, they still need advice and support from their fathers. Fathers are there for their children at every stage of life, even if they get married and start a separate family.