Establishing a secure bond with the child protects from abuse
Experts point out that all kinds of abuse against children can be prevented by informing the child and say that parents have important duties:
"Tell your child about their private parts, give information about good and bad touching. Establish a safe relationship with your child, this will ensure that he/she will tell you when he/she has a problem. In case of any doubt, give support instead of getting angry or reacting."
Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Emel Sarı Gökten from Üsküdar NPISTANBUL Hospital pointed out that the most important factor in preventing child abuse is to inform the child.
SPECIAL AREAS SHOULD BE EXPLAINED TO THE CHILD
Around the age of 3, children begin to recognize their own bodies and distinguish between what belongs to them and what belongs to others, Asst. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Emel Sarı Gökten said, "From this age onwards, we need to introduce our children to their bodies, explain that some parts of their bodies are private and that others can never touch these parts. While doing this, we should take care not to frighten the child and make him/her look at the environment with suspicion. The child should know their private parts. For example, when we give our child a bath, we can show them their private parts. However, it is also necessary to tell that there may be malicious people around us and that they can do evil to us."
HE/SHE MUST BE ABLE TO TELL YOU ABOUT HIS/HER PROBLEM
Emphasizing that the most important condition for the child to be protected from abuse is a safe relationship with his/her parents, Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Emel Sarı Gökten said, "When a child encounters a problem, he/she should be able to tell us easily and know that he/she will not receive an excessive and frightening reaction. In order to do this, we need to adjust the intensity of the reactions we give to our child well."
GOOD TOUCH AND BAD TOUCH SHOULD BE TAUGHT
Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Emel Sarı Gökten stated that the subject of good and bad touch must be explained and gave the following advice:
"It is necessary to give examples to our children that touching can be good or bad, that good touching has examples such as stroking their hair for a short time or patting them on the back, and that bad touching can be in the form of prolonged, disturbing touching close to their private areas.
They should be told that they should not go to people they do not know, sometimes even to people they know, without the permission and control of their parents.
It should be kept in mind that especially malicious people may threaten to tell their parents about a mistake made by the child in order to take advantage of the child. For this reason, our children should feel safe to share their mistakes with us."
ABUSE COMES FROM FAMILIAR PEOPLE
Pointing out that the studies conducted in Turkey on child abuse show that the people who abuse children are mostly people the child knows, Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Emel Sarı Gökten said, "For this reason, it is not enough to give our children advice such as "don't talk to people you don't know, don't listen to what they say". Children need to be taught what abuse is and that some people can do bad things to them. They should be taught that abuse can be perpetrated not only by strangers, but also by people they know and sometimes even by people they love. They should be told that their body is special to them and that there are areas that no one else can touch."
BEWARE IF THEIR NIGHT SLEEP IS DISTURBED!
Noting that before the age of 5-6, children are not strong in terms of verbal ability, i.e. speaking, and that they have difficulty in expressing their experiences, feelings and thoughts by speaking, Gökten said, "Therefore, we can feel the traumas experienced by children at this age not from their verbal expressions, but rather from their behavior. If a child who has not had any significant problems before has disturbed sleep at night, has difficulty falling asleep, wakes up with nightmares, has a disturbed appetite, has increased irritability and restlessness, and engages in sexual behaviors that are not expected for his/her age, these should be warning signs for us."
WHICH BEHAVIORS OF THE CHILD SHOULD PARENTS OBSERVE?
Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Emel Sarı Gökten also listed the symptoms and changes in other age periods as follows:
"In preschool children, sleep and appetite habits, outward behaviors, changes in interest in play, unexpected increase in interest in sexual issues are important signs for families.
School-age children have more developed verbal skills and can express what they have experienced more easily. It is common for children who are abused at this age to hide the situation from their families. The child may hide the incident because he/she is afraid that his/her family will overreact after such an experience, because the abuser is afraid of harming him/her and his/her family, or because the abuser is someone he/she loves. It is extremely important for families to have a good relationship and communication with the child, to talk almost every day about how the day went and to create a sense of trust in the child.
Abuse during adolescence can often be kept secret from the family. Due to reasons such as the fact that adolescents are somewhat distant from their families due to their age and feel closer to their peers, abuse may be shared with peers rather than with the family. Therefore, if we educate our children about abuse, even if it has not happened to our child, he/she can help a friend in this regard. They can be made to share the incident with an adult they trust. Many adolescents who present to child psychiatry outpatient clinics with convulsive fainting, depressive symptoms, anxiety disorders or behavioral changes are found to have experienced abuse during childhood or adolescence."
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND TRUST SHOULD BE GIVEN TO THE CHILD
Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Emel Sarı Gökten also listed the things parents should do in case of a suspicious situation as follows
"First of all, they should not scare the child or adolescent. This frightening is experienced due to the family's overwhelming reaction. The family's yelling and screaming, tantrums or intense sadness reaction to the child who is already under the influence of the severe trauma he/she has experienced may make the child believe that his/her life has been irreversibly destroyed. This may increase the severity of the child's trauma. The family should provide emotional support to the child without panicking too much, reassure the child and report the situation to the necessary authorities. The most important of these authorities is the child police. Sometimes the family may want to consult a psychologist, counselor, social worker or child and adolescent psychiatrist before reporting the situation to the police. The right thing to do is for the family to report the situation to the child police. If families are reluctant and do not know what to do, the health or public employee who learns about the situation is also obliged to report it."
Stating that studies on child abuse in our country show that girls are more exposed to abuse, but boys are also exposed to this situation at a considerable rate, Assist. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Emel Sarı Gökten said, "It has been determined that children cannot tell anyone about the abuse for years, they keep it secret, and the longer the years they hide the abuse, the more mental deterioration occurs. It is important for abused children to know that the abuser is punished for this reason so that they can recover from this trauma or lead a more functional life. This reinforces children's beliefs that life is a fair place, that the abuser is punished and that the abuser is to blame, not them. For this reason, it is recommended that families do not try to keep the situation secret and fulfill their legal responsibilities."